nowadays, everything is changing. ppl come, ppl go, no one stays wif u except ur family

Last Entry

2005-11-22T20:24:00.000+08:00

tis is probably my last entry n tis shall round up my blog. tis is the last yr i will b bloggin. used to like bloggin, cuz got a channel to vent my frustrations, but now, i dun really like to type le. feel quite sian...
A Levels: it has been quite a long journey since prelims ended till now. really spent quite some time studying, howeva, didnt really study well cuz many many probs cropped up, things related to frenships, studies etc...dun think i did quite well. felt very uncertain. i really expected all A aft droppin bio, howeva, cuz i m too lazy n burdened by many things, i fear i may not do tt well, tts y the uncertainty is there. if i dun do well, i dunno how hard i will take it. i really think i cannot take it tt well. for some papers, felt very hopeless, i noe i may not b able to do well, so i will juz accept it wadeva happens, but dunno if i can take it well. nxt yr march den i will noe le ba..sigh

NS: i will be enlisted into the army on Apr 21. so gotta start finding temp jobs so as to be able to support myself when the time comes. i dunno wad to study when i grow up, dunno wad to work as. so now, probably will b try to look for one wif quite high pay n can learn things... i think i will feel very lonely, cuz most of my frenz r enlisted in jan, haiz...me will b very lonely, probably will try to drown myself wif work to overcome tis lonliness. i am PES C, to me, it is the loser pes status. i noe it is wrong to say such things, but i can't help it, i really dun wanna b a clerk or a storeman, i wanna do sth useful for myself, others...haiz..useless me...

Grad Nite: i m really waiting for tis day to arrive, cuz got surprise for everyone. n den hor, it will b sort of a farewell dinner for everyone. it is also a day for us to dress super shuai n pretty. so the guys, the few of us in klaz are gg shopping for clothes nxt wk... let's hope tt tis day will come soon n end late.

Aft Exams: now, i really feel very empty, when al my klazmates end exams le den i still alone, kept spending time at home to play ffx n juz b alone, very lonely, tts y i feel very empty. i dunno wad to do. it may seem very wierd to say such things, but imagine urself studying for the past 18 yrs, every yr w/o fail. now, all of us are free frm studies...feel so wierd...really..

tis marks the end of my blog, i hope i will still get a chance to say sth on my blog, tag board still functional la, but i wun b bloggin only la. i hav one last song for everyone. tis song...angels brought me here...

Passion Pursuit Day

2005-09-03T21:34:00.000+08:00

Passion Pursuit Day: y-day we had passion pursuit day. tis is the 1st time nj is having sth liddat. it is a day where teachers will show their passion to the whole sch n the students can walk ard to show their passion. i thot it was quite fun. i went for two along wif my klaz. the 1st one was mr goh's passion, magic tricks. learnt a few tricks frm mr goh. he taught us the tricks n showed a few he didnt teach. along wif the tricks, i oso learnt a few things abt life. yup, he learns magic to do community service at touch community service. he works under project SMILE which stands for sth meaningful, i forgot wad does it stands for. i realised tt mr goh is a very gd magician becuz he is skilful and he can tell great stories. he incorporates morals into his tricks. so interesting... den aft tt, we went to lt1 to watch concert by some of the teachers. some teachers really surprised me cuz the deft fingers can actually play the piano so well. among those teachers, i hav heard mdm woon and mr tan sang. they can really sing, esp mr bernard tan sing (if i didnt rmb his name wrongly). many of the teachers met their spouses thru channels of music and who noes, mb i will meet my wife at some singing comp or sth...haha...=P yup, anw, my klaz went to watch to support pd. mr davidson really shocked the whole lt with his ability to play the piano. he told us b4 tt his forte is at piano, but none of us expected it to b so gd. he can play tunes juz liddat accordin to the atmosphere and mood. plus his creativity, he really made me jaw-drop. really liked his music. we all stood n clapped wif standing ovation.

Music Workshop: yup, thx to the songwriting comp, i got a chance to hav a music workshop at lee wei song music sch. it is not so much of learning things, juz introducing the music sch n his music to us, giving us a greater understanding to music, esp songwriting. yup...it was ok la, quite beneficial... saw the courses available...damn ex lor. it is 200+ for 4 lessons of 1 and a half hours each per mth. it is really damn ex, no money to pay for lessons liddat lor..haiz... i thot abt wad the teachers say abt music on passion pursuit day, if i really like singing, i shld find a vocal trainer to improve constantly. but no money...haiz...shall see how in future ba.. yup, b4 we left, he gave us vouchers for his music lessons...50 bucks off per term, as in, a term has 12 lessons, which means 3 payments...haiz...so two hundred dollars off for a one-yr course... dunno la, dun tink i will hav fate wif learning how to sing...

Happy Happy Teachers' Day & Journey

2005-08-31T15:11:00.000+08:00

Happy Teachers' Day: tmr is teachers' day, though no teachers will b reading, i still wanna wish all the teachers a HAPPY HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY! yup, today, joel n i performed on open stage, i think it is our 1st time in an open stage n taking a relatively fast song cuz usually, our style is ballad. i dunno if we did well cuz no one really responded to our singing when we were on stage, but i really wanna thank my klaz for supporting me right frm the start. yup...thx S22!!! so happy, though there were some hiccups wif joel's mic, i think we did ok...may not b as entertaining as other grps, but it is our effort, our song... i also enjoyed the klaz party wif mr d and many of my klazmates. except some, everyone spent the time to stay back to hav fun b4 gg home to study at abt 11am. we sang songs, had the guitar n kf, zhe n stan playing the harmonica, so happy~ tis is really a rare scene of the klaz. it is the 1st time i see the whole klaz so happy since the day i entered S22. howeva, the onli thing i regret is unable to go back to ch to visit my teachers, the ones hu have put in so much effort to build me up as the person i m now... i really hope they r doin fine...happy... i will visit them as soon as i hav time, i wanna bring my A lvl results back to show them, to make them feel happy that they hav done so much for me... yup...thank you, teachers!!! C=

Journey: i think tis song is really nice. original is by corrinne may and the version i uploaded is by angela zhang shao han. yup..i think the lyrics of tis song is also very meaning as it explains the journey tt i hav went thru in nj...

J O U R N E Y
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo Copyright 1999, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)
It's a long, long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long, long journey
and I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long, long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it seems no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

'Cause it's a long, long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
It's a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Nat'l Schools' Chi Songwriting Comp 2005

2005-08-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

Nat'l Schools' Chi Songwriting Comp 2005: today marks the end of tis comp. it all started when mdm woon, the teacher hu discovered joel n i last yr, told us tt a j1 guy has wrote two songs which nids ppl to sing. so wad we each took a song n sang... aft the auditions, 4 out of 25 songs frm the JC category were chosen. NJ has two...so i think the songs were really great. it came to me as a surprise when i qualified cuz i always thot my singing wasnt tt wonderful, being able to qualify was alr commendable. howeva, to think of it, mb becuz the songwas well written... so today, the finals was held at SAJC auditorium. it wasnt tt nervous for me, i felt comfortable on stage, but not wif the song, cuz the song has two extreme ends n it wasnt really my vocal range of songs, so i juz went up n did my bez. i think i did fairly well today, onli a minor hiccup, haha... joel was still as amazing as eva since his debut single Come What May in 2002, haha... anw, think he did really well, the song he sang got 1st for the lyrics n the song, mine got 4th for both, which means last la...but i think i did well, not fantastic but well. unexpectedly, i think i look quite suave on stage too..haha, joel also, but for me, i always think my looks not gd, but on stage, i thot i looked quite gd, mb becuz of my clothes. haha...dun puke ppl... anw, i think i hav no regrets lor.. quite happy for joel. overall, our team of 5 ppl got a total of $1000. howeva, the lyricists took $400 n $50 respectively n the song producer, hu is the J1 got $550. he wanted to share the money, howeva, money is a sensitive topic, so i think i will juz leave it to him. howeva, even if no money, i still think tis comp is a great exposure for me on stage. learn some things frm the music teachers in "lee wei song music sch", valuable lessons to improve my singing...to do betta nxt time for other performances... also, we hav met lee wei song himself...quite old, but young-looking... learn some tips abt music too. the bez thing i received is a complimentary song writing workshop org by the music sch. it is FOC leh, one lesson there cost u $200+ for one mth leh...so i think i will b gg, it is really a valuable opportunity. i oso heard many nice songs written by other ppl, like the one frm SNG is the bez song, lyrics prob wld b frm us.... the HCI one also quite gd, den the SA one has a nice mood set by an er-hu. yup...quite happy today. last but not least, i wanna thank gigi, kf n zhe for gg down to watch me sing...so happy to see them there.. i m really grateful to them..in any case, i will still treat them to lunch one day..whether i get any money or not...yup..

Happy National Day!

2005-08-08T18:21:00.000+08:00

Happy National Day!: haha, well, tmr s'pore will b celebrating her 40th bdae...yup, quite old le, still not married yet...haha... anw, i m actually here to let everyone noe i m still alive. haha, so long nvr blog le, so decided to pen down some of my events in the past few wks. actually nth much happened, juz wanna share two movies which i juz watched. i watched 'the island' last sat n 'wedding crashers' today. ok, starting frm sat...actually was on my way home, was on the train when i suddenly thot of gigi n gang r on their way to watch a christian concert, sth related to hillsong. i dunno y i decided to tag along, but i juz went lor, also dunno y. the queue was damn long. n finally, at abt 8pm, they say the whole indoor stadium was full. so we decided to catch a movie. everything was hell, we were on a bus to tiong bahru, but stopped at PS to check for tix. howeva, damn suay lor~so in the end, we had to rush everywhere n still ended up at tiong bahru for the island. i must say, tis show is excellent. it is worth tt $9.50 i spent lor. the show is sth related to cloning n the effects. it showed humanity n med ethics abt the current world of sci. they clone ppl to get their organs or to juz reproduce for them n aft tt, the clones are killed aft the "products" were "harvested"...the whole show was based on tis cool concept of winning a lottery to go to the island for the clones, but in actual fact, to their death. the whole show is like a thriller lor...must go watch if got chance, really damn nice. if u wan an educational purpose to the show, it will help u in ur GP. den abt the show i juz watched, i think it is a damn funny show, it is my 1st time watchin an NC-16 show...haha... but there r some NC scenes..haha... but it is alrite la.. not recommended if u wan sth cleaner... yup...

Happy Today

2005-07-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

Happy Today!!! ^-^: today, i m really really very happy....b4 i say, i must really thank gigi n hung for bringing me so much joy for the past few wks, esp to gigi for lending me a listening ear. i think i m feeling great now, much much happier person. during the past few wks, i got to noe the both of them much betta cuz of many things which happened. so glad i made two more gd frenz in klaz. they hav taught me sth real valuable, which is to stay happy, w/o tis, i think i m still a depressed person. also, special thx to yun-jie for being there for me this few wks cuz of many thots which came to my mind n the things which happened. i think i m now a stronger person n a happier one too... i will try not to get grouchy again. also, i like the chocs she gave, very nice... ok, today, as usual, i had some emotions running as well, but those were reminiscence of the past. i juz came back frm the festival of dance which was the closing ceremony of SYF 2005. the whole performance was very amazing. i luv it alot....having watched some performance b4, today's was the cheapest n the bez...haha... i think the top 3 instituitions which gave me the deepest impression were St Margaret Girls', TJC n NJC. i think the dances were great...special mention as well for a performance by bowen sec n bedok green sec. there were also other great dances which had many diff qualities of a gd dance, like gracefulness, elegance, coordination, agility etc...onli some were quite cultural n werent my type of dance. i was so happy to see those performances. aft the thing, i went backstage to look for yue-jie..she juz looked very diff, but still, quite the same la..haha... aftwhich, went home. had a few thots initially abt the finale. i was thinking abt how much effort all of us put into that 1 moment to shine, no matter dance, music or sports...they r the same... anw, there was also CO concert tonite, but cldnt go, cuz i was broke n cannot make it... congrats to gigi n hung for a job well-done, esp to gigi for her success in her solo performance. there r also other things abt today, shant tok much abt it, very tired now... nitez!~
for the finale, there was a song written juz for tis occasion. in life, there is a myriad of colours...

there are many roads to follow
there are many paths to choose
there are many lessons to learn of
so many things to do.

open up your minds to the future
open up your eyes to see
fascinating days of wonder
waiting for you and me.

though there may be dark clouds,
the raindrops might fall,
but there's sunshine after the rain.

paint a rainbow filled with many colours,
like red and yellow, green and blue
colours of love, a sight for all to see
come and paint it with me

with every shade we paint a new emotion
expressing what it means to be free
a work of art for all to see
come along and paint it with me.

let us reach up higher and higher
up till we touch the skies
let our dreams take us to new places
let's get ready to fly

with every shade we paint a new emotion
a rainbow of majesty
a symbol of love for all to see
a myriad of colours for you and for me.

Family & Me

2005-07-26T19:36:00.000+08:00

The Truth: sometimes, i really wonder if the truth is really too hard to bear when u watch drama serials, u noe...those shows which always hav all those cliched twists. usually, we wld think that they r juz mere cliches which happens onli on tv, unfortunately, one juz happened to me. i m quite saddened by that, but it told me the truth which i hav been yearning for so badly. i like to put tis issue at the back of my mind cuz if i keep thinkin abt it, i think it wld b too much to bear. my mum juz tells me again abt it...y does she hafta tell me? becuz i m the eldest in the family n old enuf? if tts the case, i rather not b the eldest. she stopped halfway aft lookin at the expression on my face. but wad's the use? i juz met tt person y-day...my family...y mine? to let all of u noe sth disgraceful, it is very diu lian. i hav always pursued love since i entered jc, but i nvr succeeded, wad a failure rite? i always dunno wad is the reason y i keep lookin for someone i like. i wondered b4, y do i keep looking for someone? ppl say i m despo, n tt led me to think y m i like that?? today, i finally noe the reason y....it is becuz i m always tryin to find someone hu can b there for me, rain or shine...i m hopin tt someone can b out there to listen to me when i m down. i m wishing to tell everything to that someone i can trust. unfortunately, i was wrong n hav failed all the time since i entered nj n i m thankful i failed, cuz if i really found someone, it wld b unfair for her to b burdened down by me. i m really selfish...tts y i m not rdy for a simple yet deep word called love... i dunno if wad i've heard today wld b affecting me for the rest of the time...it is really hard to keep it to myself cuz i usually tell my stuffs to my closest frenz, but in tis case, i can't. cuz there is too much at stake...it is my family...

Track & Field and Interact Installation

2005-07-21T22:03:00.000+08:00

Track & Field Finals: the season is finally over, feel so relieved...we can all relaxed for the time being now. as for the j2s, must start studying le..haha, so sad~ the gals got 2nd tis yr, n the guys got 8th. happy for the gals, sad for the guys. but i m definitely not disappointed wif our performance on the finals. i think sum ran a great 100m, 11.41s n our 4x1 broke our own pb, 44.8s, so fast rite??? we were 3rd at the last leg, but got chased up...sad... for our 4x4, not tt bad la... our gals, as usual, we were far ahead of others in our relays...really proud of yanlin, siaomei, sharon n chang xi. anw, i took alot of photos today wif my throwers, n got thrown into the air, the feelin is worst than a roller coaster...so scary~ i juz came back frm sharon's house n i think tt we must really thank her for lending us her place. but her place is very very very big... had a great dinner, tok abit to some of the team n ya, everything was great... today, had team photo shoot in the morning, so fun to take team photos n aft tt, we went to the parade sq n had a prize pptn. 1st time standin in front of so many ppl...haha, once again, i took photos wif my dear throwers.. haha..

Interact Installation: got the bez interactor award, there r 5 altogether. i m very thankful to the exco for the award presented to me. to me, the award is a memory i will hold to my heart foreva. it is a representation of all the memories, thick n thin we all been thru as a grp. i regard them as very gd frenz..they hav been there for me when i was down for the past few wks. now, i m ok now...i feel very relieved. i dunno wad to say here to express wad i feel...juz wanna say a big thank you!

Thorn Bird

2005-07-20T00:07:00.000+08:00

Thorn Bird: hav u heard of the thorn bird? seriously, i havent and yet to see. i dunno if such creatures exist but i think it does. some of u wld hav heard the song by FIR b4, but b4 playing the song on my blog, i wld like to play a short story which is taken frm their new cd. shall put it up here for the coming wk. i wanna b like the thorn bird...i wanna do lots of gd for other ppl. tis is the story of the thorn bird:
Legend says....
Long Ago There Was A Bird Who Sang But Just Once In Her Life
From The Moment She Left The Nest
She Searched The Longest Leaf For A Thorn Tree
Never Resting Until She Found One
Then She Began To Sing
More Sweetly Than Any Other Creature On The Face Of The Earth
But Carry Away In The Rapturous Honor Song
She Impaled Herself On The Longest Sharpest Thorn
As She Was Dying She Rose Above Her Own Agony
To Out-Sing Even The Lark And The Nightingale
The Thorn Bird Traded Her Life For That One Song And
The Whole World Was Captured
To Listen And God In His Heaven Smiles

As Her Very Best Was Brought Out Only Of The Cost Of Great Pain
Driven By The Thorn With No Fear For Her Death To Come
But When We Push The Thorn Into Our Breast
We Know We Understand And Still We Choose The Pain Of The Thorn

Physics Tutorial: today, i had the bez phy tutorial eva mr yong didnt suan me today. but he said many things abt life again which is sth like wad i wanna share wif all of u regarding the thorn bird. i think it is the bez story. i may b the worst student in klaz, but my attitude is not... if no one go out n present, he wun even go thru. tis was wad happened to me in the past, no one wanna go out n do, plus i dunno, so cannot go out to do, in the end, lost it lor...i hope tis wun happen to others though we may get scolded la...but it is betta than not learning.

Final Decision

2005-07-14T20:39:00.000+08:00

Final Decision: i hav finally made my choice regardin tis issue at heart. shant tok abt the issue, but aft thinking for 4 lessons in sch today, i think the choice is rather obvious. it was like oscillation b/w two choices w/o any air resistance...so difficult. well, i m still quite depressed over my results n many things as well. i dun like tis feeling...i onli told a few ppl n avoided a few ppl but overall, i m still myself in klaz. on the outside, i m still crap as eva, but inside, there is tis internal struggle, a v bad one. i dun wanna b a letdown anymore...i wan the 'in me' n the 'out me' to be the same. it is difficult to put on a front. anw, yea...tts abt it...

Throwers: throwers, a grp of ppl i m very very proud of. the results came out a lil unexpected cuz the overall stnd improved as well. i thot our stnd has improved n wld b able to clinch pts for the team, but the overall stnd for the throw events improved...so there goes our pts. though disappointed, i m very very happy tt my throwers did their bez n worked very hard towards their events. during the actual event, we hav achieved stnd on our upper limit which is gd. i m truly glad i hav tis grp of throwers tis yr, they r my pride...tis sat will b gg for an outing wif them, so i will anticipate tis day coming....i hope it wun turn out to b like the sentosa outing... I LOVE YOU ALL, THROWERS!!! muacks~ haha, so gay =P

Depression

2005-07-12T10:33:00.000+08:00

Track & Field Nats: i had my event y-day, actually wanted to blog y-day, but i was really tired tt i went to slp. den now, i skipped sch n at home now. the main reason is cuz i m really tired frm everything which happened n wish to juz stay at home. also, there r two tutorials today n i havent finish either of it, so no pt gg to sch lor. my discus event on an individual basis, i think i m quite satisfied by my performance, cuz they were one of the betta throws thou it wasnt a personal bez. but as a competition against others, i think i suck alot cuz i was 2m away frm the 8th qualifying position but i m now 17th placing, meaning i m quite far away n i can actually reach 33m one lor, though havent done tt b4, i tink it is a achievable goal. it is a pity to me la, a huge pity. now, my only hope for my throwers wld b tt the last event left, shot put A-gals, they will get some pts for the team. and also, most imptly, i hope tt the team will get gd results for nats la, gals we r really achieving for 1st tis yr again n guys aiming for 4th. it is quite tough, but i do believe in the team. we do hav deficit some pts, but i think the team will work harder to strive for pts. overall, i m disappointed, but contented. it is my last yr, improved frm last yr, though not successful, i hav decent results. now tt everything is over, i hafta start working on my grades cuz they really suck.

CT2: my grades suck worse than shit la. got a C for maths, E for chem, O for phy. bio wld b either O or F la. i was depressed y-day when i heard my grades, i worked harder tis time for chem n maths, yet the results r liddat. i m disappointed. wad does the sch want frm me? i wanna study, but results r not given to me. my morale is alr super low, i m very tired. now, i m juz shunning frm many of my frenz, i dun wanna bother them wif my probs in work n in life alr. i juz thot abt it how much time we r left wif till A lvl, 4 mths, no one will hav time for me. cyan sms me saying tt they will welcome me back to the grp when i m rdy, but i doubt i will hav the chance. i wun get back to the grp until my grades pick up. for tt, i strive to work hard till my grades pick up.

NKF Cancer Show

2005-07-10T21:00:00.000+08:00

NKF Cancer Show: i juz watched abit of the charity show n i think it was one of the moments which really moved me. im my jc life so far, i hav come across quite a number of children n my reason for choosing to help children is becuz i think tt they r the most innocent grp of ppl. in tis world, children r the most angelic ppl, they may b naughty, but tis is a form of childhood as well. tears juz welled up naturally. i do feel for these shows when they showed these kinda sad things, i had nvr cried. today, i dun understand y. aft gg to nkf for work attachment last yr, i hav understood many more things. though some of the things i dun agree wif, i think overall, this organisation still req our help cuz of their cause. well, u may think tt these stories which are being shown to us r juz gimmicks to make ppl touched so tt they will call, but hav we thot abt the victim of wadeva illness? though they may b gimmicks, they r still real stories rite? they r indeed sufferin, in tis case, frm chemo therapy. i juz hope tt ppl can call at least once so tt these patients can b helped. u may think tt tis is propaganda, tis is juz making ppl donate more, nkf alr so rich, y donate more? ya, in any case stated above, whether nkf is really rich or not, the patients r real, they r really suffering frm pain of all sorts...so juz becuz we dislike nkf, we dun help them, isnt it v unfair? nkf probably has juz created more awareness for the public thru their so called propanganda which we dislike...

Stress: i m really gonna breakdown soon, i think i m pissing everyone off nowadays, even my closest frenz n family. i m such a burden n disappointment despite their care n concern. but in any case, to not let all of them b affected by my depression, i hope all my frenz will leave me alone for the time being n let me cool n think thru. there r many things bothering me now, n i hope i can hav some time alone. i may b unfrenly or showing black face to everyone, but pls do understand...thx

My Bdae!

2005-07-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

i think today, i m very happy. as compared to last yr, today was very sad, cuz many things went wrong n everyone juz bypass tis day. not tt i m thick-skinned, but many things happened last yr during tis day which made me very sad. tis yr i m happy, surprised n excited. juz cant wait to share it wif all of u, my frenz! but 1st, i think i will say more abt the previous 2 days.

Sunday: some of my klazmates n i went to ECP to cycle. initially, we had 11 ppl gg, but we ended up wif 7 cuz the rest pang seh us. anw, the day was still great. alan, kf, gigi, hung, yun-jie, dona & me met at bedok for lunch b4 heading out. everything was alrite, it was fun cyclin n having some photos taken. at least tis is our 1st time takin outing photos for the klaz. nxt time must really org sth which every1 will come so tt the picture will b complete. tis is my wish for the klaz at least. anw, during the cycling, perhaps becuz of the sweltering heat, many of us werent on enuf. so we went to play pool. actually, only me n dona wanted to play. but i think the rest of them gave in to us n join in. so me n him paid the most. it was also the most ex pool played b4 lor...damn! haha... aft tt, we went back to bedok to have dinner. i was somehow tricked into gg to the toilet unknowingly, i really didnt noe tt a surprise was on its way. the surprise, though wasnt complete, it really came to me as a pleasant surprise. it was strawberry cake. though some unhappy things happened, we decided to make it up to the person the nxt day. we saved some cake for him. the cake was really nice, the bez strawberry cake i eva ate in my life. tt nite, i was really really happy, cuz i laughed alot, i kept tokin non-stop n blabberin abt so many things cuz i was happy. sry to alan hu suffered at the expense of tis.... thx klaz peepz for the cake n wishing my happy birthday today in sch!

Monday: it was a normal lunch at seoul garden where everyone celebrated zhe's very belated bdae. haha, though no cake, lunch was on 5 of the guys. we had 6 guys n 1 gal. haha, poor yue-jie. it was initially wif more ppl, but a few of them cldnt make it. but nvm la, we r all like a big family of frenz, can b brothers or sisters one lor...haha... anw, everything was on the bad note on tt day. cuz it was a sch hol, seoul garden at taka was packed like sardines. no way we cld squeeze in.... den we juz sat there to tok for some time b4 deciding on woodlands. initially, we boarded the train not knowing our destination, dunno whether bishan, amk or woodlands, but we decided to try our luck at woodlands. true enuf, there had plenty of seats n food. we ate n ate n ate. not very greedily, but still, most of them ended up half-time juz aft 1 hr. i was still happily eating, but at the end of almost 2 hrs, i cldnt take it anymore n i didnt even eat ice-cream. aft tt, we went to take neoprint. haha, the stupid machine was very wierd, made us fluster like mad...so confused at which camera to look at. the worst thing was tt we cldnt even select our pic cuz the users b4 us chose for us le. so suay~ so we ended up taking another one. haha, the other one also quite wierd la...not gg to take at woodlands again le. anw, this whole trip made me recall sth frm the past. an exp which is very sad, almost left the grp cuz i cldnt take it anymore. but still, i stayed wif them, wif a smile till we went separate ways at the station, i was alone...i thot abt alot of things, made me realise how foolish i was, made me realise how hateful i m, made me realise i shld give up on sth which i hav been pursuing for so long in life. anw, i was very vexed, i went to look for sum n andy to tok, aftwhich, felt betta n i straightened out my thots. sry i had to b so forceful on my expression to those hu went out on mon. but i really had fun during the meal n laughed alot at many things, as usual, the nanhua gang nvr fail to make us laugh...lolz~

Tuesday (Part I): many things happened today, but all were gd things. i was the happiest today cuz i received many bdae wishes frm many of my frenz n i received a few presents which really made my day. when i reached sch, i alr knew wad was happening when i saw cyan. she led me somewhere away frm the oasis. aft celestine came, we went to the oasis n everyone started singing. i was very very surprised to c so many of them. was also very touched by their wishes. thx guys, it really made my morning. i must thank zhe, kf, cyan, yue, may, meiting, desmond, stan, tat, sheng, lilin n celestine hu bought me the present n to celebrate this day. special thx to two ppl, yue n cyan. the gift was very special to me. it made me really really very happy. to me, the gift means alot, though it is v common, can be seen at any of some outlets, frm a grp of frenz, it showed me one common thing which they really hope to see in me. i will share tis later. tis was wad really moved me... yue-jie is really like jie lor, she said sth which made me realise their wish for me. it goes sth like "wheneva u see smiling shaking head, u must b happy" i think they wish tt i will stay happy. hmmm...i will try...haha, later den say. my wish for everyone here is tt i hope one day, all of us (with no one missing) will all go out n hav fun one full day, taking photos together....

Tuesday (Part II): my surprises didnt end. sum n andy bought a gift for me. tis gift was shared by many ppl, so must list out their names. some of which gave me a huge surprise, but i was really happy to see their names. i must thank andy, sum, shuyu, nam, james, wenhui, mel, sam, yun-jie n jiacheng. haha...the surprise wasnt the gift, it was the ppl hu gave it to me. the shock came aft trng, when they said there is part 2 to the gift. i straightaway knew it was sth naughty, but sry i had to rej the gift cuz i will b dead if i bring it home...haha, shant tok much abt it... my 3rd cake came aft trng. anw, i did my PB today for discus, a gift frm mr loh. he taught me a few things n made me focus really hard. i reached 32m le...YAY~ though i dunno if i can do it again, i alr hav no regrets cuz i did it...now, it is show time n hopefully on mon, i can do it, show the world tt i may suck, but my attitude towards throwing doesnt! anw, we had a combined celebration for shaowei (6th JUL) n me... really happy to see so many ppl sing song for us so loudly, esp to my throwers n the exco hu org n bought it. my throwers sang me a song too, haha...my wish for the team prob wld b tt to attain a 5th for the guys n a 1st for the gals. throwers, lets help the sch get pts k?? the cake was ice-cream cake, it was very special, cuz nvr had tis cake b4, it is considered a novelty for me. a BIG thank you to the team.... lets all work hard towards a common goal n like wad shaowei said, save the loudest cheer for the last day of nats!

Thots For The Day: i think i hav been a great disappointment to everyone. i m always depressed when others see me. i m seldom happy n not really +ve abt things. it is like suddenly, i hav lost the optimism which others once knew me. well, it is juz for the so many things ard me happening which made me downslide. n it was today tt i observe tis in myself tt others really want me to get back on my feet. tis is rep by the toy give to me. it is those smiling toy which can shake the head at action city. though it is a common toy, it means the world to me when i receive it. i can see wad everyone, esp cyan n yue-jie (hu chose the gift if i m not wrong) hope to see. i dun think i wanna disappoint them but sometimes, things r really too heavy for me to take. so i think frm now on, i shall pick myself up n cheer up, like the toy given to me. when i m sad, shall stare at it. i typed the most sms tonite, almost 80 out, cuz there r juz so many ppl whom i wld like to thank. to the grp i always hang out wif, all the sms typed to u are very personalised, juz for u onli lor. i thot abt it last nite cuz i really wanna tell everyone of them how i feel. dun find it too mushy. to the team n to the ppl hu gave me the present, u really made my day by givin me alot of pleasant surprises...hope all of u will be/are alr happy 18-yr old teens! my ultimate wish is actually juz to hav as many photos taken as possible wif my frenz in sch cuz some things can b so ezily erased. i want solid memories, so tt when i grow old, i can still rmb these ppl, even if sth happens, i can always recall everyone... humans r juz so fragile..

tis song is dedicated to all those ppl out there. i will leave the darkness n join all of u in the light. wait for me...

Outings

2005-07-02T21:16:00.000+08:00

Sunday: tmr i will b gg to east coast along wif my klazmates n sis plus junior klaz peepz. sis sure noe hu to ask for where i wanna go. haha... the number isnt fantastic, it is normal...so i think tmr will b a great day. juz anticipating the arrival of dawn...sis brought tis matter up abt celebrating my bdae on sun, i didnt noe where to go, so told her to decide... haha, shall blog more abt the events happening when i return.

Monday: we will gg for sakae sushi buffet on mon. so cool...the last time i went for a sushi buffet was many yrs ago at paragon. tt was really posh n dinner cost 120 over bucks. but on mon, i will b gg wif my frenz, so happy~ actually thot it will b a flop another time, but tis time, stan did it, it was a freat success n i shall see them on mon. YAY~ the onli sad thing perhaps wld b tt kiffy may b not gg, haiz..shall try to persuade him to go... tis long wkend probably isnt tt bad aftall. i had a chat wif my junior. she said tis to me which i felt it was quite inspirational. hmm...it goes: life is like a wave.. when it's at it's minimum point, the next moment you will change direction. simple yet hold alot of truth in it. the thing is tt, how u noe sth is at a minimum pt? wad if it is still not the minimum but u r alr very low...hmm..but still, aft stationary pt, the grad will b +ve again, so dun fret for ppl out there!

Bad Morning

2005-07-01T14:02:00.000+08:00

Bad Morning: aft bloggin n changing the blogskin at 3am, i went to slp, cuz i was falling aslp in front of the com. juz cannot take the weariness of the wk anymore. woke up in the morning by so many msgs which made me cldnt slp anymore. i think the earliest one came at abt 8+. a few sms came, telling me tt they cannot throw for nats anymore. these were the ppl hu gave me hope tt i hav quite a few throwers rep nj for nats, but now, i juz lost 3 gals to help us throw. one gave the reason cuz she wasnt confident, one gave the reason of no time cuz she is vice capt of another cca, one gave a reason which was valid, so i accepted. but still, i had no choice cuz it is really not up to me. if their hearts dun belong here, there is no pt in rep the sch for nats, cuz they wun do well at all even if they r the bez throwers. their hearts dun belong here... aft tt, i thot i cld go back to slp. but the msg came at abt 9+, frm cyan... aft a few msg, i rmb abt the sentosa trip which was suppose to b durin tis long wkend. but now, she say it is cancelled cuz no one was free. i replied back a msg which i thot was quite mean to her, but it wasnt her fault. it was nobody's fault cuz perhaps things juz had to turn out liddat. i said, "expected it... nvm lor...everyone said it was postpone during the hol, but it is till cancelled in the end. bearing so much hope juz brings more disappointment. anw, abt wad u said juz now, there wun b anymore unforseen chances le, cuz if everyone is not free now, hu wld b free aft tt? dun nid to reply to tis msg cuz i wanna slp. hav fun!" aft sending the sms out, i cldnt slp at all...i felt so vexed, so depressed....but in the end, i still slept. frankly speaking, i hav said earlier on abt wad i wanted for my bdae. dun nid anything else, juz an outing together wif memories taken...perhaps tt will b the bez gift for me tis yr. when they said the trip will b postponed 3 wks ago, i bore the hope of it happening. i was really excited abt it...waiting for the day to arrive, unfortunately, the day arrived n nth happened. woke up on the day n heard it was cancelled. if tts the case, i wun bother them abt any outing anymore. nxt mon, stan wanted to org a sakae sushi lunch. but i doubt it wld b a success. he wanted today, but today many cannot make it. so he said nxt mon. not to pour cold water la, but i think it will fail also. one of my jr told me tt she bore the hope of gg out aft ct y-day, but her whole klaz no one went out. she was very depressed. i told her tis is the case in jc mostly, get used to it...

War of the Worlds

2005-07-01T00:40:00.000+08:00

Finally Over~!!: j2 ct2 is finally over. i can now really take a deep breath, but aft tis deep breath, i must cheong for nats le, seriously, i m not doin well at all now lor, i juz suck trng aft trng, very very depressed abt it...my event is on 11 Jul, juz 11 days more to go. i juz came back frm a day of activities, it is alr midnite lor..haha. lemme juz start a summary of my ct b4 i actually go on to my day of events. ct is half sucky! haha, i study quite hard for phy, chem n maths. again...bio didnt work for it at all thruout the holidays, but unfortunately, bio is not the toughest. i daresay tt my phy grades is either O or F, confirm worse than my bio grades. my bio hor, i study last min one leh, juz abt 6 hrs of studying on the 3 chpts out of 6 tested. i juz hate tt, sometimes, i really wonder if effort really reap rewards, my phy is not strong cuz i always cannot grasp the concepts. it is very abstract n difficult to understand. the formula are also very difficult to manipulate here n there. haiz... maths n chem were ezier. though they werent ez, they were do-able. i think both cannot get A la, but i m targetting for B for both subj. if i can get B, i will b damn happy le, no matter wad grades phy n bio get. for GP, i think i wrote loads of crap, didnt study for gp at all, didnt revise the techniques for gp. die lor~ sure get worse than ct1 one... for tis entire wk, i slept at 3am almost everyday, earliest is 2am...den woke up at 6am for sch. den aft the paper, i wld reach home at abt 12noon n will slp till 5pm b4 i start the routine again. i think quite effective, no one to disturb u study lor...anw, i m quite pissed wif my "capability", cuz it sucked... i m thinking of droppin subj again. dunno y keep thinkin abt tt leh, quite sad case leh... i was thinking tt if tis time for both phy n bio, get both F, i shld drop one. but i m really reluctant to do so.. really lost sometimes, feel so useless, cannot even do things rite...

Post CT Activities: aft chem today, abt 10 of my klazmates, we went for lunch at BK n watched War of the Worlds at cine. overall, i think the show has very gd audio effects. it sets me thinking abt the whole story line n ending, makes me wanna cont watching till the end. the whole show is like a horror movie, i had the thriller feeling 80% of the time in the theatre. ok, i will b a movie spoiler here in tis para, so if those hu dun wish to noe the movie b4 u watch, dun read tis para k? haha...here goes: the show had a narrator to tell the start n end. the start was pretty ordinary n the ending was abrupt. the ending was very very sudden tt everyone in the theatre "HUH?" aft the show ended. i cldnt understand the ending so i asked n actually, the ending was very biological, they died breathing in our polluted air n got some viral infections?!~ but the whole movie still quite nice. i saw alot of things during the movie, thot quite deep abt it. there were some parts quite absurb, but movies r always liddat one la..haha... tis show truly displayed fatherly n brotherly love, war between two parties (which it reflects abit on the war b/w Man) n most of all, in the movie, it reflects human nature esp when driven to desperation. ok, i will tok abit abt the humanity part. there r two parts which truly gimme an impact. tom cruise had a car n when they reach tis town, there were many refugees tryin to climb on board. initially, they were juz tappin on the window, but aft the car crashed into a lamp post, all of them tried to clamber on the car by breaking the windows, draggin the ppl out frm the car etc..it was very violent. at the end of it, tom cruise took out his pistol but was stopped by another wif another pistol. so in the end, the man hijacked the car, but was killed aft drivin the car for a few metres...den everyone juz surround the car until the car is no longer visible, covered by ppl lor... another side which was a better side was tt when tom cruise was being sucked into the alien's tripod robot, the rest in the cage pulled him n tried their best to drag him out, eventually, they succeeded. ok, the heart warming sight was the parts in the movie when tom cruise was all out of his daughter n son. he protected them wif his life lor... it wasnt tt touchin la, but it showed fatherly love...

Throwing: i m beginning to despair again, but tis time it is worse. i got abit better a few wks ago, juz last wk, i m beginning to suck like shit again. nats is nxt wk n i still cannto do a proper tech. did i peak too early? i dunno, but now, there r more things on my mind, which is the pressure on me to try to bring pts for the female team. i dun think i can do tt for the gals. haiz...out of all the female throwers, i hav one cannot attend cuz she has golf nats clashing wif her events, one wantin to back out, two always not here for trng, liddat how to train?? liddat how to get pts?? haiz..

Simple Plan - Untitled

2005-06-26T19:20:00.000+08:00

i think tis song fully explains my feelings now. it is really untitled, no words can b explained. vexed abt it... abt track & field, abt studies...so many probs. i cannot stand the pain, can't make it go away. dunno wat to do abt it...quite sad case... anw, enjoy the song, hope u wun hav the same prob as i do...

Untitled
I open my eyes
I try to see but I m blinded by the white light
I cant remember how
I cant remember why
I m lying here tonight

And I cant stand the pain
And I cant make it go away
No I cant stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I m fading away
I m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody is screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I m slipping off the edge
I m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I cant explain what happened
And I cant erase the things that I ve done
No I cant

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I m fading away
I m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Xiong Tian Ping - Huo Cai Tian Tang

2005-06-23T23:19:00.000+08:00

i think tis song rawks. it is an old song, abt 8 yrs le. but it is onli today i noe the title n managed to find the song. Xiong Tian Ping - Huo Cai Tian Tang...tis is the song title. i think many of u heard tis song b4 but most prob like me, dunno the song title. searching hard for it, finally found it. deep meaning within the song, hope u guys enjoy the song!

HELP Camp 2005

2005-06-19T00:23:00.000+08:00

HELP Camp 2005: yo peepz! i juz came back frm tis kids camp which lasted 3d2n. it has really been very very tiring to b a grp leader. we all slept past midnite n hafta wake up early nxt morning. take for example me, i sleep at 2am 1st nite, 3am 2nd nite, both days wake up at 7.30am. now, i m tired, but juz wanna hav enuf energy to blog the camp down so as to preserve tis beautiful memory. for the 1st day, i went to the camp which was held at HCI in the late aftnoon as i had NS med checkup which was a great disappointment to me, will tok abt it later. when i reach the sch, i was in a big blur...i walked ard the sch tryin to look for familiar faces n the 1st person i found was brenda...n she told me tt i was in her grp as the leader of the grp. i was confused cuz i was told i was leader for another grp n tis confusion was cleared soon aft i began to tok to everyone. as i started to adjust to camp atm, i got to noe everyone frm my grp. there were 8 kids, 1 youth leader n brenda & i. out of the 8 kids, i alr knew 4 of them cuz of my exp at HELP FSC for the past yr. there consists of sean, clynd (both p3), ying jie (p4), galvin, kelvin, jean, joanna (all p5) n weiren (p6). my youth leader is zul (sec1). when i juz saw all of them, there is tis small barrier, even betw me n brenda, cuz i dun really noe her tt well in sch, sort of a hi-bye fren in sch. but very very soon, even b4 nitefall, i alr got to noe all of them n cld really tok. all of us juz open up. got to noe frm brenda tt the kids r a playful bunch n i was still abit restricted. but thru all the games, i got to noe them betta n start thinkin abt how to settle them. by 2nd, all of us were quite gel-ed. howeva, there was a serious prob. everyone wasnt working as a team. everyone was very disorg n messy, so we cannot really work efficiently. on top of tt, there were alot of conflicts betw them, all so violent n keep fighting, i really had to b harsh on them. howeva, things picked up on the last day. though it wasnt the bez situation, i think i m really glad everythin turned out liddat. tis is somewat like the ogl exp i had in nj, the gradually growing satisfaction.... overall, the kids all very naughty, but they can listen to u la..not tt bad. nowadays, the things kids noe really exceeded wad we knew in those days...i m not surprised, juz feeling wierd.. in my grp, i must admit, the two gals r really well-behaved n sporting. jean n joanna, the former is talkative, the latter is very quiet. frm strangers, they became gd frenz n even exchanged phone numbers to stay in touch cuz they stay very far apart. they r even more man than the guys lor, played everything so enthu-ly even under the hot sun. i like jean alot...i mean, she is very enthu n very guai...so was quite sad when i noe it may b the last time i see her. there was really a tinge of sadness in my heart. she was the hardest to let go...sobz. really hope to see her again perhaps in the nxt camp?...haiz... anw, i think the most touching moment for me wld b today. i left hc at noon for my comp at toa payoh den when i return at abt 5.40, i went up to the hall to look for them to see how they r doing for the skit. they r almost done wif brenda finishin the narrator script. it got a lil hard to get them to start but aft they start, they acted everything out quite well. i must say, i was very impressed by their skit on stage. they were able to think so much n to come up wif a final script. they acted it out n i was really impressed. i had a great time wif them n i really hope tt they had as much fun as we did. the whole camp ended on a sad note, i will really try to go for nxt yr's camp, see how 1st lor, if no hav NS during tt period. during tis 3 days, it has really been very happy. ok, lemme elaborate on tt. as all of u noe tt i m a very deep thinker, so when met wif a prob, i will feel very depressed. but thruout tis whole camp, i did not feel depressed at all. in fact, i was happier. i did not think anything abt the upcoming ct2 in a wk's time; the nitez were stressful cuz i had to handle the swift meet held tis wkend (contactin everyone etc). initially, i had an idea of skippin the camp, but in the end, i went n now i regretted thinking of tt thot. so i really like it alot alot... there r alot of things i hav learnt frm the kids n the other volunteers. the whole camp was really worth sacrificing mugging time n made me free frm any work stress. i think in the camp, i m like a kid liddat, no troubles one... so happy~! towards the end, i m really sad tt it mb the last time i m seeing some of them, so we got some photos...anw, tis will b a beautiful memory in my mind. even now, i m alr missing them...felt so strange w/o any of them. it is like sth is missin in tt puzzle.

NS Med Checkup: everything was fine except the last part during the med consultation. everything was quite fast, except the med consultation. everything was pes A, until the med consultation. rite now, i m pes D, awaiting for the x-ray film to come out so i will noe my pes status in a mth's time. i m quite pissed abt it, cuz i really wanna become an officer, even cannot, i oso wanna serve NS. but now, i m juz someone so unfit. i juz hope tt the x-ray can at least put in my pes B so i can still go for army. juz becuz of an injury, i m condemned frm NS...y?!?!?!? haiz...

Track Camp

2005-06-14T22:59:00.000+08:00

Track Camp: juz came back frm track camp n i m dead beat. didnt really catch any slp la, but thruout the day, i was kept very wide awake, except tt i m tired, tried to catch slp on the bus during photohunt. anw, track camp i wld say is overall a success, though some of our objectives were not totally met, i think there is improvement. shant mention wad, onli the team wld noe, but i m really glad to see a change for the betta. tis camp is org by sum n sokwai. sum worked damn hard for tis lor, even forsake his studies leh, he onli will start studying tmr lor...think die le. he is oso very stressed out during the entire camp, n when he is stressed, he shows it, almost quarrelled wif him lor. anw, knowing his situation, i juz kept quiet. it is a 2D/1N camp in sch. 1st day, aft we ended trng in the aftnoon, we had dinner. oh ya, forgot to say tt i m in the f&b dept along wif rach for the entire camp. so both of us were at our heads preparing all the stuffs, like for bbq on the 2nd nite, 1st nite dinner n 2nd day breakfast. all three meals gave us hell. i had so much preparations to do, if not for ppl hu helped out, like sharon, shuyu, shaowei, sum etc (many others hu helped in many ways as well), rach n i wld not hav prepared food according to time. 1st nite, aft dinner (frm Curry Wok), we had a mental trng sessions conducted by mr gilbert lee hu is the shooting teacher in charge. i must say, the session conducted was superb. it is quite professional yet informal... the whole team felt tt it was very beneficial to all of us...(if anyone req help in these areas, i wld b glad to b of service!) aft the talk, we had a screening of 'Men Of Honour'. it is a movie based on a true story n it is quite worth watchin la, very inspiring....it is sth like patch adams... it is abit boring la, but i think if u r paying attn, it is actually quite gd. aft the whole trng, it was midnite. most of them went to bed, but i hope to do abit of maths b4 gg to bed..but ended up tokin to sum abt the camp stuffs. i dunno if i m of help, but i provided him as much help as i can. so in the end, slept at 3am. but i dunno how many 360 degrees turn i made juz to fall aslp aft dunno half an hr?? the tables were damn uncomfortable. i didnt feel tt i was aslp, felt awake all the time. had to wake up at 6am the nxt day...so mad! so in the end, we had to boil water using the staff rm's wadeva flask we get for milo n hafta help spread jam onto the bread for everyone. den finally, aftwhich, i met my grp members, mi grp leader...when i met them, i saw the combi wasnt tt gd. cuz they were separated frm their cliques n here alone. i found it very difficult to tok to them. tis session is abt reflections n goal setting. so i had to tok for most of the time n pose them qns so they wld ans...so tough lor~ sum shldnt hav given me tt job. den aft all these, we had a team talk by our teacher in charge mr lim. he showed us past yr videos when nj was still glorious, hoping to inspire us n tok to us abit la...it made me more det to work towards 35m for discus and ultimately, for the whole throws team to contribute as much pts as possible. aft all these, we had photohunt. tis is rather an innovative idea thot by harry whereby clue n photos will b given. we wld hafta take an exact photo n complete the tasks given. it started quite awkward, cuz no one had a common topic to tok abt. russ n denise can tok la, but the rest very passive. they were quite active when they were discussin on the task, but on the bus, everyone was watching tvmobile, slping or stoning...me included, was slping! towards the end, when we had a 2km walk, we began to tok a lil more...n eventually, everyone managed to tok at the bbq. juz when we all began to mix, the camp has to end...so sad lor~ anw, we won 2nd prize for the photohunt, it is $10 estivo ice cream voucher. so i m suppose to go out wif them another day to eat ice cream...haha, how to find time?? aft tis camp, i haf HELP camp on thur to sat leh, die le la...juz hope to get betta grades than ct1 for ct2! i will do my bez!! YAY~

Midnite Cycling Trip

2005-06-08T19:14:00.000+08:00

Midnite Cycling Trip: i juz woke up cuz i went midnite cycling. it is to actually take care of the youths frm mcyc. it is way to cool to cycle at nite. we travelled frm bukit batok to ecp. the whole journey was abt 50km (according to the organisers). i thot it wasnt tt long. i had nvr cycled overnite b4 n tis is my 1st time. i hav cycled in the day frm amk to yishun, bishan, toa payoh n some other places cuz i wanna explore more places, but nvr cycled such long dist b4. the feeling was so damn cool. woohoo~!!! i was in charge of two 13 yr old who dun really look like they were 13, looked younger.... i m very guilty cuz the onli accident which happened was one kid i looked aft sped n crashed into a stationary motor cuz it was very dark. i was very guilty of tt...cuz of my negligence, didnt stop him frm spding. i myself went very fast as well. but i guessed towards the end of it, everything went well, but i juz cldnt step out of the shadow. ok...mb, i shld say happier stuffs. i m quite proud of myself to hav completed the journey, it is not a very big challenge cuz i hav tried cycling quite long b4 n there were many breaks during the trip, so the whole thing was quite alrite. one person i must special mention, meiting. she is not very physically inclined n to her, tis trip was really a great challenge, but no matter how hard the journey was, she did her very bez n completed the whole journey. even when she was mentally n physically drained at the slopes, she cycled bit by bit up the slopes n tt is definitely worth mentioning. all of us including the staffs salute to her spirit n i think tis is sth we all shld actually learn. to my frenz as well, when we reached ecp, most of us were either physically or mentally drained, or even both...we were complaining abt physical pains like butt ache, muscle cramps etc n mental stress like insufficient slp causes headaches, but we all completed the journey back. so three cheers for all of us!!! YAY~

Track Exco

2005-06-07T01:40:00.000+08:00

Track Exco: ok, today, i had exceptionally alot of thots abt my exco. i was tokin to sum n andy abt tis n realise many things, actually, juz some of my deep down reflections. one thing i hafta admit is tt i hav really learnt alot of things frm the team, frm the teachers n also the exco members. the team gave me many opportunities to learn things which can b found no where in bks. these r valuable exp which cannot b obtained elsewhere. howeva, i oso hav one regret for the team. the onli regret which i think most of us feel is tt we dun work as a team. all of us worked very separately. to me, we r actually quite scattered, cuz a cca like ours is not ez to manage, i m sure those frm big musical grps will noe. we train differently n the onli few times we can get together is during meetings n gatherings. other than tt, in sch, we r juz frenz, not very close, juz frenz.... perhaps it is juz me. i noe it is wrong for me to b so outcast, but it is juz not ez... i juz hope the team can b more gel-ed aft we leave. tt prob wld b my last wish for the team. we dun work effectively as a team. i really admire the interact exco cuz they worked as a team, partially cuz they were frenz even b4 becoming exco, so it is ezier to work wif. but given a choice, i wld still choose to stick wif my team. now, i really hope the j1 n upcoming batches will b more together....

Mugging??: ok, i accept the fact tt i really wanna mug, but i juz cldnt. these few days i hav been bz wif my track stuffs, trng n slacking abit too much. i m not studying as effectively. like now, i m blogging lor...wth? haiz... anw, i really feel very lost abt my studies now... i think i m juz so screwed up for the upcoming ct lor, esp for phy. they r testing the like 90% of the syllabus?? damn... i oso dunno how...rite now, i can no longer expect other ppl to help me le, cuz in tis world, very seldom ppl wld b out there for u, cuz either they r self-centred or becuz they cant even manage themselves well. in any case, i really juz hafta blame myself for being slow in absorbing things n a very sq mind. cannot think out of the box one lor... used to hav some help la, but now, i think the onli help i get is frm myself. not tt i m complaining, but i juz think tt ppl dun hav time for themselves le, how to even help me?? i juz hope they will do well for their ct. thankfully, i still hav a few frenz hu will help me if i call them or sth, but being an inquisitive person, will i irritate them or disturb them too much??? i m afraid yes....so rite now, i shld really learn independence. like my blog name says, nowadays, everything is changing, ppl come ppl go, no one will stay wif u except ur family... anw, to all my frenz n readers, i juz hope u will do well for the upcoming ct n eventually ur A lvl, those hu r eligible for scholarship, like fen, mel n many more la...haha, so many i oso dunno start where, hope to see u on tv shaking hands wif some big shots soon. if anyone is really care abt poor tekko here, juz send me an sms to check if i m still alive can le lor. haha...juz joking for tis, but it wld b greatly appreciated if i noe there r still ppl out there hu care...

Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

2005-06-06T23:43:00.000+08:00

Breakaway: i heard tis song quite some time ago n i think it is a very nice song. though it is very 'avril', it is really a great song wif abit of meaning in it. haha, its been so long since i shared a song on my blog n i think it is really hard for me to find time to enjoy music now...haiz, i hafta forsake my passion...juz to mug?? damn... haha, no choice la.. ok, anw, i wish to share tis song wif all today cuz i feel tt tis song is closely related to our lives, our perspective of things. i think nowadays rite, ppl juz forgot to breakaway frm alot of things. ppl r juz too bz mugging n they absolutely forgot abt the ppl n things ard them. negligence of their surroundings is really very sad case lor. frankly speaking, i feel neglected by the ppl ard me...i dun really noe how to pin-pt a part of the song i like, but i think the chorus is wad i really want. i think it is also wad many ppl want right now, spread their wings n fly! dun really hav much to say here, hehe...so enjoy the song n hope u like it...

Breakaway
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

Star Gazing @ ECP

2005-06-06T01:20:00.000+08:00

ECP Trip: i juz came back frm east coast park (ecp). surprising late rite?? haha...well, here's the whole story: on sat aftnoon, hiu requested for a cycling trip, so in the end, i asked sum to go together la. so the 3 of us juz went on a cycling trip at ecp. the strange thing abt it is tt we started cycling at 7.20pm. another surprising thing is tt the shop we went had a buy 1 hr get 1 hr free, so i paid 5 dollars for 2 hrs lor...damn shiok. though we didnt cycle for the whole 2 hrs, i think it was enuf. anw, so we juz started cycling thruout the park but slowly, cuz it was damn crowded. we went to alot of places, bedok jetty was one of them. down there got lots of ppl n it was actually quite lively though it was dark. we sat there n chit chat abit b4 gg off to buy dinner n find somewhere to chit chat n eat. so i waited for them to buy food n we juz brought our food ard to cycle. den aft we return the bikes, we decided to sit on one of the breakwaters to eat, chat n star gaze. it was really really wad i wanted all along. all this time, i always wanted to sit somewhere like tt under the starry nite by the sea n really tok to some close frenz abt all the things in the world, bez is tok till morning. so we juz sat there for 1 hr plus, almost two...to eat, chat n star gaze. towards the end of our 'stay' there, we decided to lie down n look at the stars. haha....2 guys n 1 gal lookin at stars...haha...quite fun...though odd cuz usually is couples one lor..haha. anw, i was really happy den when i sat on the breakwater to chat. it was so rare to hav a chance liddat to tok, its been so long since i had sth liddat.... i oso tried to think of places we cld go nxt time for fishing n so on la...i also hope to ask other ppl to go there, cuz it really makes ppl feel lighter there....haha, not literally though... anw, sum was really farnie... this whole outing at ecp made me think of many things in the past, when i was still wif my cat high frenz....great memories, but things r diff now... the walk down memory lane was happy, but bitter... anw, we really had a great time n i manage to realise sth... sum n hiu actually make great frenz, i mean, two of them la...haha, frankly speaking, i hafta admit sth, sum is probably a more trustworthy person than me...perhaps so n hiu is happier when tokin to him lor, so i think tt if my frenz r happy, i shldnt b envious or anything, juz stay myself! when i was at ecp, i really thot of things we cld do as a big grp. i m really hoping my current clique can gimme face to go there n chill out aft ct. ok, to b really speaking frm my mind here, for my bdae, the greatest gift wld b actually a photo of everyone inside n all of us can really spend one whole day outside together n play the whole day. yea, it happens to fall on the wk aft ct...haha, anw, no big deal la...juz another day anw...haha...

Is tis an end to 6 yrs of frenship?

2005-05-28T23:27:00.000+08:00

Its Over!: tis day wld prob mark the end of six yrs of frenship. he was my very best fren. today i went to his house n wanted him to read wad mr loh said, he didnt want to. i keep pressing him to read cuz i wanna tok to him abt his psychology, his mindset of things... but he didnt even wanna read. i got so pissed off tt i told him, u dun come n look me up anymore. aft tt, i stormed out of the house. i m really disappointed abt his attitude towards failing. his ultra low self-esteem is in a very bad case. the prob is tt he keeps failin in the stuffs he do n so, he is complaining abt it. but the real failure in life r those ppl hu dun even bother to correct their wrong n keep thinkin they sucked. ppl hu r strong r those hu can stand on their feet aft a fall n some more, become stronger than b4. i really wanted to tok to him abt his probs n hopefully, his low self-esteem will become better. but wad he said was tt i dun interfere. if tts the case, i will nvr interfere wif his life anymore... many ppl ard him is really concerned abt his well-being, yet he is not even helping himself. forget it....until one day he is willin to listen, i think tis frenship is over le. he is no longer tt person i used to noe... i m not fit to b his fren. i cannot even help him when he is in trouble... i think he juz despises me, tts y dun wanna accept my help.

Gg Out Tmr: tmr, some of us r gg out. actually, it was desmond hu suggested gg to watch the western dance at cine tmr aftnoon. he even suggested tt we can call most of the interact peepz as well. howeva, as usual, it was incomplete. all the gals backed out (hopefully moon wun). wad is unusual is tt tat is gg also...tt was really quite shocking, it is the 1st time he is coming out for sth liddat....but unfortunately, cyan is sick, may n meiting not gg le, kf needs to spend time wif his dad n i really wonder how will b the response tmr...so far there r five of us... quite disappointed la, but i think i shld b thankful for the ppl hu r gg...dun even now when wld b the nxt time everyone wld turn up for an outin.

Pissed: i was pissed wif many things today, n i think sis can sense it. i really wanna tok to her, but it took her so long to even decide a date to tok. nvm la, if she dun send me a sms tellin when she convenient, den i oso wun bother abt her again la. she seldom hav time for me one...

The Spirits Within: juz watched final fantasy: the spirits within. i think tt aft watchin the show the 2nd time, i haf a greater understanding of the show. seriously, i think there is nth to b afraid abt death. death is juz another thing in life. it is an end to the jouney for a living thing. it also signals the time for the spirit to return to the Gaea. i think it may b true....it is juz a continuation in life. there is nth to b afraid of...death is juz another process of moving on...

Interact's AGM

2005-05-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

Interact's AGM: today i must say, i m really really happy...for once...but aft tt, everything ended wif a really sad note, a very disappointing one. i was the emcee of the agm, was very nervous, so i think i screwed the starting part...think i m real big disappointment. though as i go on, i got better n no more stage fright, towards the end of the meeting, i still think tt i hav not done a gd job. though the excos didnt say anything, i tink i noe i havent done very well...they juz dun wanna blame me for tt. aft the whole event, all of us went down to KAP to prepare for stanley's surprise bdae party. moon n lilin went to kap to prepare the cake 1st while the rest of us went there aft we pack the stuffs. aft singing the song, we all had the blueberry cake, when i knew it was blueberry, haha....it was kf's most hated flavour...haha, but no choice, hafta eat it...=P aft we ate the cake, there were cream left, we all started to play wif the cream, tryin to 'disfigure' each other...haha, tt sure was great fun... we oso prepare wadeva remains of the cake n conspired wif each other to try n smash it into stan's face, but it was onli a partial success. most of it onli went to his hair..haha.. aft all of tt, some of us went to get food n we all sat down to chat abt many things...mostly regarding the future stuffs..haha, the topics were rather interesting. we actually tok abt our future life. they asked everyone hu do u think will get married 1st, hav kids...n many other things la.. all these things abt the future made me think abt so many things. when i was young, i was very scared of losing my frenz, like when i was in p6, i was scared i will lose my pri sch frenz, n so on la...but as i grew up, i accepted tis fact tt ppl come, they will go, no one will stay for u, onli a few.... i really wonder, when we grow up, will we still all b frenz? or juz another somebody on the streets? i didnt noe how to ans. for some time, i was quite saddened abt tt, kept quiet n thot abt it. wanted to cry...but i juz kept tokin to them abt some crap to laugh so i can hide my tears... i knew tt in the end, i cldnt really take a grp photos wif everyone, so i decided to take out my hp to take individuals shots, was really glad abt it.
wad it may seem may not b. tis wasnt really a gathering. cyan n some of the exco had to tok to the grand snrs, so no choice, we cldnt really get together tt much. but come to think of it, wad more can i ask for? all of them r bz wif their own stuffs, we nvr really had a chance to really bond together. mb tts all i can ask for. shld i feel glad or not? mb i shld feel contented? or m i really disappointed? confused...i really m. alot of things came into my mind while i was waiting for dad. i was alone... i thot abt the scene when i was callin dad. meiting was there wif me. everyone's bags were there b4 i made a call, but they were gone aft i finished the call...juz gone...everyone juz went home when i really wanted to take a photo together wif all of them. i was really depressed when everyone was so eager to go back, i tried to persuade them to stay n we all cld take a photo together, but everyone juz left...left liddat... tis is my 2nd failed attempt. well, i mb very persistent abt takin a photo, cuz i really think frenship nowadays, they r like glass. i juz wanna put my happy memories into a photo now, in case it wld b the last time i eva had it, i still hav tt photo for memory sake, but i dun even hav a decent photo wif everyone to keep. how i wish frenships were evalasting, but too bad they wun b...ppl come ppl go...no one stays. tts y we onli call happy things memories. in any case, wadeva happens to me, i hope i wun regret, cuz at least i hav tt memory wif me whereva i go. even when i m dead, tt memory will last in my mind....

Coach Carter

2005-05-21T14:31:00.000+08:00

Coach Carter
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same .
As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Inspired?: tis is frm the movie coach carter. i dunno abt tis movie, juz now tt it is related to bball... i hav heard of the title b4 n my fren juz gave tis quote to me juz now...it is quite cheem n took me quite long to digest. aft reading it, i hope to actually share it wif the rest (hope u wun mind). thot quite abit abt it...sounds quite cliched...but still, there is some facts within cliches... hope u can perceive it ur own way n help u...

Harm Orc Camp: tis camp has really nth to do wif me. but many of my frenz were in it. stan asked me to go n join in the fun which was wad i wanted to do but too afraid to ask irene cuz i think i may b regarded outcast. true enuf, i did feel a lil bit. wif so many of them i didnt noe, it felt wierd, i juz hang ard wif my frenz tts all. we played cards till late 3am when everything came to an end. i thot we were gonna play till morning...hmm...a lil disappointing... when all of them juz went their separate ways, the guys played cards in another rm, cyan n moon lay down n slept. alot went thru my mind. many unhappy troubles which i exp recently all came back to me. suddenly felt like tokin to someone, someone whom i havent tok to for quite some time. perhaps cuz she was too bz these days... i approached her n asked her if she can tok to me, but she was too tired...nvm den, i lay down to rest too...slp can wash away my thots... disappointed perhaps, but i think i m too much. i shld hav realised tt frenz can nvr stay by me all the time. i m too selfish...a lousy fren i m. she is so bz yet i m always pestering her, burdening her wif my troubles...i m really selfish... wun disturb her again... i hav been a letdown to all my frenz, esp to cyan...

Discus: i m really troubled by my discus recently cuz i really didnt hav anything to contribute to the sch. aft so long, i m suck worse than shit...its been five yrs since i started discus, no improvement, but onli deterioration. dun even hav a proper coach, how to improve? even if i still throw worse than shit, i juz hope the rest of my team can b betta in their throwing. i dun want them to b like me. but mr lim said sth which made me realise the contribution i hav made so far. my throws team is so far the biggest section in the whole team, i was very glad to hear tt frm him. though the throwers dun contribute pts, i juz hope the sch can invest more on us. frm now on, i m juz gonna train hard wif my team, be it fail or succeed, i think i hav no regrets n i shld feel proud, cuz i trained wif the team...the throws team is my responsibility, my blood n sweat, my efforts all this while..i wun give up on them so ezily.

Frenz 4eva?: i used to believe in tis stmt, always debating wif my frenz tt frenz 4eva do exist, but now, i m beginning to agree tt it doesnt exist tt much... now in jc life, everyone is so bz mugging tt i think we forgot how to hav fun together as frenz.....tis indeed is a great disappointment. not blamin anyone for it, cuz tis is the system...it is liddat n no one can change it... all i ask for now is prob to hav happy memories for me to keep...tts all...not too difficult rite? frenship indeed is a ship tt req maintenance, but in jc, perhaps everyone is too bz n neglect tis ship... even the ppl whom i hang out wif now...i think they r workin very hard, so hard tt some forgot the frenz ard them. disappointed...

College Day

2005-05-14T22:56:00.000+08:00

College Day: today is college day. initially, i thot i wld b watchin the concert in the hall. it gave me alot of hope cuz i really wanna watch the performance as many of my frenz were performing n i also wanted to take photos. howeva, a wk later, my civics tutor told the klaz tt the non-performers will b gg ard the food fair area to clean up wadeva there is to b cleaned up, like sweepin n moppin the floor n to pick up litter. to me, it was a great disappointment. i was very sad to hear tt tt day...cuz i hav really been waiting to watch performance. haiz... though tis is a menial task, i think it doesnt matter la, since the college has given us tis job to clean up the college, it is also a form of service to the sch, so might as well do it well la. i juz think tt for wadeva jobs we r given, it is a form of exposure...so i juz did wad i shld do. as long as my conscience is clear tt my responsibility is fulfilled, i can dui4 de2 qi3 zi4 ji3. i was actually quite pissed today cuz i really wanted to take photos wif everyone, since there wldnt b much chances to do so anymore but in the end, we didnt manage to take photos at all. i even borrowed camera frm andy juz for tis occasion lor..haiz... but i managed to sneak into the 3rd floor parapet to watch harm orc, chi dance, guitar, n abit of band. i think all my frenz played n danced really well...they really all deserve gold wif honours...esp band, i like their orient express, it sounded very real n it is like those harry potter piece lor... i was in love wif the song when i was watchin them play during tech run. for the food fair, i was bombarded by alot of jrs to buy their food lor..spent abt $10 in total leh...alamak, broke le..

Troubled: the feeling came back to me once again. i feel so empty, so troubled... abt so many things... 1st, it was my discus. i think i really sucked at discus. i threw on thur, trying to refine my tech under big ron's coaching..i m really he cld come back to coach the team.. i juz hope he can save the whole team. at least help the gals to get pts. in the team, there r really alot of ppl hu has the potential, but they r juz not trained properly, i dun wan them to hav the same process as me. i suck cuz i wasnt trained well for my technique...i dun wan them to end up like me, so pathetic. i even thot abt giving up discus at tt moment, but aft much thot, i think it wld b too late n wasted to do tt. might as well finish the course n even if i dun get the results i desire, i noe i hav tried. so i decided to juz push for the last 2 mths of my season n aft tt, i will become a full-fledged mugger. but now, i m more bothered by the recent thots gg on in my mind abt my frenz. i shant mention which grp but recently, i m beginning to feel like an outcaste. perhaps cuz i got to noe them onli aft 1st 3 mths? i dunno, but i juz dun feel belonged there. or perhaps i nvr was.... r these so-called frenz really my frenz? to me, i think treating other ppl well wld beget the same treatment frm others. n so far, tis stmt has been true. but r these ppl treating me well cuz i m their fren or izzit becuz it is sth like returnin a favour? i noe i may b too much by sayin tt they r tryin to fu yan me, but i juz can't help thinkin it tt way... i noe everyone is bz wif work, but is frenship really tt worthless? frenship...as the term states, it can b likened to a ship. it has to b cleaned, repaired n maintained constantly..if a grp of frenz r so concerned wif their work always, wld tis ship rust n break down, den abandoned soon?? believe or not, but for me, tis is the case. i m very disappointed wif wad i hav been thru these few days n hope it will not carry on...i juz hope things will really change for the betta. i heard alot of things frm someone last nite n onli then i noe how tis person is feelin abt the many things in tis world. i juz hope tt no matter how ugly this world is, i still hope everyone is constantly looking for tt flower somewhere...

SYF Collection

2005-05-08T01:13:00.000+08:00

NJ SYF Results: tis yr, i think all our musical and dance grps did very well. our collection is sparkling wif gold. chi, malay & indian dance got gold wif honours, but western got silver. all the musical ccas got gold but string orc got silver. special mention to band, gold wif honours. i feel very very happy for band n harm orc, mb bcuz my gd frenz are in the ccas. i m now hoping tt v cheng can give a full day off for all these achievements lor...shall see on mon... anw, i went to support harm orc during their syf...i think they played really well. too bad i cldnt stay for the results. i cld onli hear them play n leave aft tt. they seem quite disappointed aft their performance n were thinkin of the worst. but to me, i think they hav alr achieved more than a gold wif honours, cuz it is a platinum wif frenship. i really think i m givin my support to a grp of ppl whom i wish to noe for the rest of my life...

The Bamboo Story:
you take a little seed, plant it, water it, and fertilise it for a whole yr, and nth happens.
the 2nd yr u water it and fertilise it, and nth happens.
the 3rd yr u water it, and fertilise it, and nth happens. how discouraging tis becomes!
the 4th yr u water it, and fertilise it, and nth happens. this is very frustrating.
the 5th yr u cont to water and fertilise the seed and then..take note. some time during the 5th yr, the chi bamboo tree sprouts and grows NINETY FEET IN SIX WEEKS!
life is akin to the growing process of the chi bamboo tree. it is often discouraging. we seemingly do things right, and nth happens.
but for those hu do things right and are not discouraged n are persistent, things will happen. finally, we begin to receive the rewards.

i chanced upon tis story n really hope to share it wif everyone reading my blog. as lame as it sounds, it is true. believe or not, ur choice. diff ppl will also see things frm diff perspective cuz ppl hav diff probs. thus, they see things differently. so i hope tis story will bring different interpretations to the readers of tis blog n may u be enlightened in some way... though the story may not b the ideal situation u go thru, but the things u learnt here can b used to settle some reality stuffs. it is like u go sch, u wun b using maths in future wad, but we still learn it cuz the process of thinking is wad we will b using...

Track & Field

2005-04-22T23:59:00.000+08:00

Track & Field: today we had our one-day orientation for track n field. everyone started doing the usual introduction in a circle n started wif a game which is common in all orientation - double wacko. all of u may think tt it is an ez game n it is so cliche, but i think it was fun wif the additions titus thot of. everyone really had fun, esp wif qing xiang n his lameness....haha... i think orientation is very crucial for the whole team, esp track n field. cuz we r sub-divided into many sections, like long d, short d, throws n jumps. we all hav our individual trng, so we dun meet very often, esp my throwers n the rest of the runners. so i tried to use tis opportunity to get them involved. so i guess everything is fine la. it was quite smooth flowing. howeva, i thot my name wasnt called many times...so insignificant meh?? sobz sobz...anw, nvm la, i noe all of their names le, so i can actually let the youngsters hav their fun...hahaz... anw, aft the ice-breakers, we got into diff grps n started playin floor ball. tis is our traditional game. the whole team juz enjoys floor ball more than anything lor. everyone had fun, but i juz felt tt the feeling of team bonding was missing. mb i was too sensitive, but i was proven right during dinner. we had a sumptuous meal. hengyi n i waited for everyone to take their food 1st b4 starting on the rest of the food. the food was gd la, not too bad, but i tink it is becuz they r all deep-fried. hmm...sure fat alot le lor...shit... anw, i juz hafta exercise more le lor...haiz... during dinner, there was a segregation b/w the guys n the gals. the guys were sittin on one bench n toking in a grp, the gals also liddat. so sad to see tis lor. dunno if it is natural to hav tis boy-gal distinction anot...i juz felt wierd. i hope tis condition will improve soon cuz we r one big family. these two grps had tis long chat aft dinner, i sat wif the gals to tok, along wif andre cuz i cldnt add myself in wif the guys. andre as usual, farnie...made everyone laugh. aft every fun thing, the exco had a meeting. we talked abt the track n field meet in sch 1st den the serious stuffs. contents no nid to say la, but we were quite sad to hear wad rach said to all of us. i m really very incompetent as a secretary lor...i hope i can work harder to improve the team. i juz hav one stmt to make: Red + Blue = Purple. i hope guys n gals can mixed together so tt we can work faster n wif more efficiency. we meeting in sch for almost 3 hrs lor, till abt 11.15pm in sch, den mr loh had to stay wif us n open the gate for us...i reflected alot, n i hope to improve.

NAPFA Test: had my napfa on tue. i think it was a gr8 napfa i had, considering it is my last yr. i had 3 A's 1 B and 2 C's. actually, not too bad la...i didnt expect myself to get a few stuffs... anw, here is a report of how i did. 11min14s for 2.4km, improvement of 20s. 9.04s for shuttle run, not too shabby la, but can do betta one, cuz i hafta save energy for 2.4km. 8 pull-ups, improve 2 lor...i think i myself was shocked by wad i did. 232cm for broad jump, 51cm for sit & reach n 43 sit-ups. actually can do more one, but must save energy. haha, not bad rite?? i so heavy i also can get gold, i m really quite proud of my own results. i really wonder if i can do 20 pull-ups if i lose wt...muahahahaha, can't wait for NS to come....YAY~

Nat'l X-country & Interact Camp

2005-04-17T12:45:00.000+08:00

Nat'l Sch X-Country: it was a fine afternoon, many of us frm the team went down to support everyone hu is running. gw, hy, titus, sean, joe, andre hu ran for the boys n rach, denise, sokwai, jess, n two canoeists, one of them jas, my klazmate. anw, the guys got 6th n the gals got 5th. to us, the teachers n the team, it was really a very big disappointment. we expected 4th n 2nd for the boys n gals respectively, but haiz...unfortunate incidents do happen. for the gals, i thot they did very well when they ran. all of them came in wif quite gd positions. though i didnt noe their timing, i think their timings were gr8 cuz they came in sort of consecutively n were ahead of the pack of other runners. but dunno y get 5th, i thot can at least get 4th lor. but it is really unfortunate for the guys. titus had an asthma attack durin the race n thus cldnt complete the race. sean came in at quite a gd time, but when he was at the last 100m stretch, he ran very wearily, looked like he will collapse. it is the 1st time i saw sth liddat happening. seriously, he was the guy hu was wif the canoeist team, when we used one of our slot to let him in, sharing him wif the canoeing team. but his heart was wif the canoeing. i hate him when he came in n nam didnt. i really do...when i saw him liddat, i thot mr lim made a wrong choice, so wrong..... so in the end, he did collapse 10m before the finishing. but wad made me realise he was doin his bez was tt he tried to push himself to crawl to the finishing line. he didnt wanted to give up n pushed everyone hu was trying to help him away. but in the end, he fainted. his legs cldnt bring him any further. when the guys were coolin down, he cldnt walk very well, he rested every 20m he walked. when i realised he cldnt walk anymore, i helped him up, i didnt expect myself to help him, wif all tt hatred in my heart. "he was the one hu came in n nam cldnt!" but i thot forget it, it was all over, i think it is not worth living my life wif hatred. so everything ended quite ok i guess... the whole event ended wif a gathering at titus' house. i think the team really gave all their bez for this event. i still rmb i asked hengyi a qn b4 the results were announced, "do u think the guys team still can get 4th despite all these happening?" he gave a reply which left me to think, a food for thot rather. "in my heart, we alr got 4th!" many of u may think tt tis kinda reply is very normal n cliched. howeva, when u exp defeat, u will hav a very diff perception of tis stmt. i felt really very strong abt tis line n agreed wif him. the whole event led me to thinking abt the upcoming nat'l track n field meet in mid jul, in three mths' time. the throwers team really havent contribute any pts to the team's pts, esp the guys, none at all lor. tis wld b the reason y we r always 6th, nvr at our target, 4th. the gals also cldnt get 2nd last yr cuz we were behind by 2 pts. it wld b gd if the gals can get 2 pts more, den we wld hav gotten 2nd. during the gathering, my lim also left me alot of food for thots abt trng. i tink i m gonna change the trng programme n increase the intensity. i also intend to find ron back to teach us. i called him n he agreed, now, i think in juz a wk's time, to get some clearance n stuffs like tt, shld b able to start le. wish me luck tis yr, cuz i m det to help the sch get pts.

Interact Bonding Camp: juz had the camp which was much awaited for. i think thru tis camp, i got to noe abit more yr1s frm the camp. i was one of the grp leaders in charge so had to interact wif 8 yr 1s of which, quite a few of them were quite spontaneous in conversing wif the rest. i think they really can communicate la. juz tt 2nd day cldnt tok much wif them. same situation as last yr. in a grp got very few guys. in my grp last yr, were juz me a guy alone wif moon, lilin, mt. ya, cld onli rmb these 3 cuz 3 of them i noe now lor...haha. anw, spent the whole nite up, didnt slp, we played cards, ps2 n pool, haha.... watched a movie, brought by cyan, but cuz it is pirated, we cldnt watch disc 2. tried to play ju-on, but it cannot be played cuz the laptop dun hav a codec. so sad...cldnt scare cyan, hehe...but still, we did scare her. at nite, eric told us a ghost story, actually not la, but juz a story to scare us. i thinmk all of us got scared n screamed. i think thru tis camp, my relations wif some of the yr 2s improve, like wif the whole exco, wif the guys n moon wif lilin for the gals la. we laughed whole nite lor, wif juz cards n crap. i joked so lame stuffs also can lor.... haha, super crap. i think becuz no slp tts y tok so gibberishly. everything ended wif a gd note, though we were all so shagged. i came home n slept frm 4pm till nxt morning 9am. 17 whole hrs, still didnt break my previous rec. but i was quite surprised i cld last so long. they had a talk which i really cldnt take it n was fallin aslp. including cyan as well, it was the 1st time i see ppl fallin aslp. haha, so cute~it is like a mirror image of myself, fallin aslp. anw, though it was short, i thot it was fun. hope the upcoming camp for track wld b as fun....

Not Dropping Anymore!

2005-04-11T21:48:00.000+08:00

Not Dropping Anymore!: shit, i juz lost my entry again. ok, so i shall keep it short. i think i m not droppin anymore le. i juz think i shldnt give up so ezly. i faced a similar situation when i was in sec 4 wif geog, TWICE. but in the end, i didnt drop cuz i was persuaded not to. n in the end, i didnt regret. i was quite happy wif my results in the end. i must really thank a few ppl: some of my klazmates like kk, mq, stan, tat n many more...thx guys. special thanks to hiu, zhe, cyan, kf, andy, fen, sum, moon n sis. hopefully i didnt miss out anyone. i think my decision is further enforced when i saw a scene which i think i havent been paying much attn to for so long. i saw a kid today on the bus hu has an illness. i immediately flash back to some time ago when i saw tis same boy wif down syndrome. i think these ppl r the neglected ones in our society nowadays. but when i told sum abt it, he thinks tt they r much happier liddat, livin in their own world. plus today, i saw on tv, my 1st time watching the 9pm show. i think it really touched my heart. i was quite affected by both scenes today. it reminded me of my purpose in life. i think i m willin to work harder cuz of my determination towards such a cause. rite now, i m powerless to make a diff, but if i study hard enuf, able to make it, i will b able to make a diff in these ppl's lives...i hope i can achieve my goal n i hope tis torch will nvr go out!

Library Wif Sis: i m so happy to see her today, i mean...though i dun show it. i think i m quite relieved tt she is doin ok. at least things went back to the way they were. i m juz so glad. also, i think i studied alot today wif her there. i sat there to finish my whole phy n i realised i didnt speak a single word n conc on doin my work. i think sis kept me gg thruout. thx sis...though u were reading up on chess...=P anw, i thot it was really effective cuz i was really in tt studyin mood. i realised i was wif the right person, it was comfortable in the library n wif caffeine to keep me awake thruout. so if sis dun mind, i really hope can meet up every wk so i can really study effectively, try to inculcate tt studying into me...den also can keep in touch wif her... yup yup...

Thx, Wenhui!

2005-04-02T23:27:00.000+08:00

Thx, WH: went out to study wif fren today n really received quite a bit of help. shant mention name here, cuz i dun wan u all to think of WH as a mugger. quite nice of wh to help me at tis time cuz i m really lost n helpless... wh is v gd in math n chem, so got wh to help me out in these two subj. today is our 1st session, felt tt i learn some things abt org chem n made me realise more stuffs abt chem, explore more. i observed wh's thinking process n realised it was very unique n helpful... so in fact, i didnt learn juz chem today, i learn more than tt, abt how to think betta as well, in a more orderly fashion...so tis will help me in life as well, probably in decision-making. so i really juz wanna say a BIG THANK YOU to u! hope u can consider my proposal to do hw more in future, but i dun wanna b a bug to u also..i dun mind gg to ur home area... if u dun wan its ok de...i mean, most imptly, u must benefit as well... oh yar, i didnt say ur name cuz i scared u dun like it, so ya..if u dun mind...den ok lor. thx for tokin to me abt the things towards the end of the session, sry u didnt do ur hw, but i really appreciate ur time to tok to me abt dropping subjs. promise i wun say these things durin tuition time again, dun wanna impede ur work progress...

Drop Subj: yes, u didnt read wrongly. i m considerin on dropping either phjy or bio. i really wish to retain my 4 A lvl subj, but no choice, my studies suck. unless i really start focussing on my studies, i will nvr do well for my A's. i find tt it is very difficult for me to study wif many time wasters ard n i usually cannot control myself frm these time wasters... i really wanna b det to cut most of them, but i dunno how to train on tt strong mental strength, unless really someone studies wif me, tt will make me study... i shld juz analyse my situation now. i like to read bio, but not to memorise, but wad in tis world dun nid to memorise? i m tryin to...if there is a comparison for me on wad to do, eg chem n bio, i will choose to do chem. tts y my bio is so lag now... anw, i hav weighed the pros n cons of droppin bio n not droppin anything. the for outweighs the againsts. but still, i wanna push on. i spoke to pd for abt an hr on tis n he also advise me to drop. the ultimate decision lies wif me. i realise tt bio is useless to me cuz i intend to study psychology in uni, so dun nid it. studyin it now cuz of abit of interest in learning abt the things ard me. i realise i dun wanna drop cuz of two reasons. one is becuz i think if i take 3, may get looked down on n very lose face. two is cuz if i drop now, tt means i cannot even take the pressure in a JC envt. den how will i adapt to uni envt? can i drop?? i onli major one, so how to drop? so if i wanna cont uni, i shld train myself to b self-disciplined. anw, tis is juz a warning to ppl hu r thinking of dropping. if u intend to drop, make sure u work doubly hard for the 3 subj left n dun slack. if u intend to persist, work super duper hard n forget abt the things u like to do. must b det if not u will face a dilemma like me. most imptly, dun delude urself wif a schedule tt u wun follow. b like nike, JUZ DO IT!!! tok cock no use one, must do it..i m trying really hard to do all these things which i hope i can do... All the bez, whether to drop anot, gimme advice if u all can or sit n wait for my final decision. advice to j1s, i m a very bad example to follow, so dun eva b like me....study hard now...

BBBS Sembawang Park Outing

2005-03-27T01:04:00.000+08:00

BBBS Sembawang Park Outing: today was my 1st outing wif HELP tis yr, was really super bz n cldnt attend most of their previous outings. today we went to the park to hav some games la... it was org by some church i guess...haha... seriously, it wasnt fun at all...haha.. the onli thing i enjoy r the times i can tok to the kids cuz i really wanna catch up wif them to see how they r doing. i had a great chat wif fred, ts, jl and some other kids but mostly 3 of them... i feel tt tis time, i can really open up more cuz of my new perception of some related things, as i hav mentioned b4 in my previous entries... i can tok betta to fred esp. jr n charis approached me today surprisingly n proposed to me tt i take fred as a little. i was quite surprised tt they said tt, cuz i didnt expect it to b so fast. i dun mind seriously n i really want to, cuz i can really tok very well to him, but i m really afraid i cannot cope wif my stuffs at hand now. so in a way, i m in a dilemma. shall think over it again but i m really afraid i will screw up my studies. hopefully by toking to wenhui tmr, i can straighten out my thots abt it....

Nam's Dinner: today, sum, andy(not present there) n i treated kn to pastamania n mr loh juz went along la... we juz wanna treat him to a proper meal b4 he leaves for SA n take it as a 'wish-him-well' dinner for him lor. aft tt, we juz went n chat at andy's place n had a really gd laugh @ me...haha...and andy. but mostly is at me lor...so bad... used pigs n dogs to describe me leh... idiot!! haha... anw, juz glad i can b clown for others to laugh at for once n for LAST!!! juz glad we made his day quite cheerful n hopefully, at SA, he can laugh liddat everyday also....haha, n b send to hougang chalet... all the bez for U, kn....n of cuz someone too...=P

Joel's Birthday Bash

2005-03-26T01:13:00.000+08:00

hey guys, its been quite long. b4 i start my entries, many of u r asking me for the title. in this case, i shall post the lyrics html here for all of u. also, i shall leave the song on my blog for a longer time for all u guys to hear. mayb by nxt wk i will change a song which is also very nice. http://www.xuxule.com/cd.asp?cdID=05-0036 it is track number 4. u cannot d/l it, but u can go find it elsewhere if u want. hehe...i didnt say anything =P
March Common Test: seriously, i think i m gonna fail 3 out of 4 subj tis time. for those hu noe me, u will noe tt i m saying for real n not like those ppl hu say they did very badly, but in the end still come out quite decent grades. i m expecting a D or an E for my phy, maths & bio, hopefully it wun get any worse. my chem shld still b ok, hope can get a C at least. my GP wld b the worst. hopefully still can get AO pass. i havent really study very much for tis CT, those of u hu noe me, will noe y. n for juniors reading tis blog, tis is NOT the example u shld take. u shld b like weizhe or kefeng! they r the model examples in studying! but i will really try to study very hard. i m tryin hard, but always failing hard. i nid someone to discipline me la...damn it... anw, i hope my mother can ground me for gd, so i can actually study well. for those hu can help me, PLS help me wif my studies when i nid it k? dun get pissed off wif me if i ask too much, i noe i m not so smart n slow la, but do bear wif me k? i think i also nid to get a tutor, hehe...hu wants to volunteer?!??!! hahhaaha=P

Joel's Bdae Bash: went to joel's condo at west coast today n i really hoped i cld stay in some place liddat. too bad he dun wanna stay there...haha... anw, tt place is very windy, cooling...looks very grand, like a palace. it was a bbq party, he invited abt quite a number of us frm 4-4 n a few of his klazmates frm S21. i really had a gr8 time wif all of them, despite some things i had in mind n i held back, i still manage to chat wif most of them n felt 4-4, though things can nvr b e same again. must thank joel for inviting me...at least i m not forgotten. his whole family including his relatives r very very warming (dunno if i used the right word). they made me feel very at home la, very amicable... i manage to tok quite alot to hmz, koko n mel today, which i usually didnt hav the luxury of time to do tt la...so felt quite happy. thx joel n happy birthday. hope u enjoyed the day more than anyone else!

Inspired?: i spoke to someone juz now. quite inspirin to read wad is being typed. the person was very motivated to study n i really wish tis person success. i wanna study hard as well, i juz nid a motivation constantly to push me hard enuf so i wun stop. can i achieve it or will it b like '3-mins of fire' (direct translation frm chi) onli? hope not. push me hard enuf k?? promise me we wun lose contact n will keep in touch regularly... one more thing, tis goes out to u. rmb wad u told me tonite, i will always rmb deep in my heart. so dun think of slackin again k?? dun forget ur final destination.

A Return Trip

2005-03-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

Juz Came Home: juz returned frm msia, it has been like a 3 hr journey on the car. juz got plenty to blog rite now, actually juz some feelings. my purpose back tis time is actually to visit my grandpa n now tt i m back, i m pleased to say tt he is doing fine. went back n mum brought him home frm the nursing home juz for one day. rite now, he is ok le, he can speak, but quite unclear, i cannot really hear wad he is saying. but he cannot walk, cuz his legs r not strong enuf to support him. though he is old, he is definitely not blur, he is still very clear abt wad is gg on ard him n he is tokin abt gg somewhere to collect some money. haha, i was quite humoured by how he says tt. but i must really apologise for one thing. well, i dunno if tis is in me or wad, but somehow, i hav tis pref thingy gg on. i always say i wanna help hu n hu, but i juz realised tt hu i help is dependent on their looks. meaning, i tend to shun ppl hu dun look wierder than others, like old ppl or ppl hu has many probs. i think tis is damn bad, but most of the time, i cannot help it. but recently, i wanna try to change tt fact. i m somehow inspired by my mum. lookin at the way she tok to a person wif down syndrome, made me realise tt lending someone a helping hand shldnt depend on anything. it shld b frm the heart instead of being selective. i think i m very guilty of tt. another thing which made me realise my mistake was when mum was attending to grandpa the other time. when i look at how she is so willing to look aft grandpa, i think it was very bad of me to actually not tok wif him. frankly, i havent really been communicating wif him, even when he is lying there in the hospital, even when he is in pain. but now tt he is fine, i m gonna do more than wad i think i m doin now. simple things like chit chatting wif him, helping him to take stuffs, carrying him ard may brighten his day eventually. so i tried to joke wif him more often, help mum out etc helped... in future, when i go back, i hope to spend more time wif him...

anw, juz received a piece of news frm my aunt. my grandma juz got admitted into the hospital. i was quite shocked to hear tt, cuz her health has always been quite ok except for some common ailments. to think tt i juz came back frm there....haiz... but thankfully, it is not very serious, juz low blood pressure, perhaps cuz she is too skinny le...den always cannot slp at nite. i think it is juz for some further observations, so shld b fine. juz hope my grandparents can really take care...

The Starfish Story

2005-03-13T14:07:00.000+08:00

The Starfish Story: As the old man walked the beach at dawn, he noticed a boy ahead of him picking up starfish and flinging them into the sea. Finally catching up with the boy, he asked why he was doing this. The answer was that the stranded starfish would die if left until the morning sun. "But the beach goes on on for miles and there are millions of starfish," said the old man. "How can your effort make any difference?" The boy looked at the starfish in his hand and then threw it safely into the waves. "It makes a difference to this one," he said.
as most of u wld hav read, this story is taken frm the "teaching as a career" related stuffs. dunno, i felt tt tis story is quite meaningful, so decided to blog it down n share it wif everyone. i think tis story doesnt apply to only teaching, but to other stuffs in life as well. diff ppl got diff inference to diff things, so i shall leave it to u to infer.

Last Day Of Sch: i was wondering if i shld say "YAY, holidays r here" or "BOO, holidays r here to torture us cuz got CT once sch reopens". in any case, i think it works both ways. tis holiday is here to let me rest betta for the nxt term ahead, n of cuz, wif more rest, comes more work. must also catch up wif my work by studying, esp wif bio...damn lag... i will really try to study harder during tis one wk, cuz i think tis upcoming CT means quite a bit to me, i wanna prove my worth to other ppl n not b looked down upon always...i hate being last in klaz for every tests, it makes me so lose face lor... will try to work hard lar, hopefully can remove all the time wasters...

Tired: i m really tired of living...haha, dun think too crooked, not tt i m having suicidal attempts, but i m juz tired of living the life i m living now. i juz feel tt i m very tired. but i must say, frm wad tsinli told me, i must really push harder, cuz there is no choice in life. u hav to push on until u hav finished ur journey in wadeva things u do. i m always tellin my frenz tt how i wish i can stay unconscious for a wk juz in the hospital to rest my physical n mental self. but i realised tt time will not stop for me, everything will move on as norm. i m juz avoiding all the stuffs if i juz stay unconscious. might as well push on. y shld i juz give up if everyone is havin the same torture as i m? hmm..shall reflect on tt fact...

NUS Open House: i juz went to the open house yday, i met many of the seniors n some even ask me wad m i doin there cuz i m still abt 3 yrs away frm uni life? hmmm, i juz wanna go there n walk walk see see lor, it may b too early, but it wld also b gd to go n hav a look at wad r the courses available so i can see myself ahead into the future abt wad i really wanna do in life. hav a few in mind n i was quite certain wad i wanna do aft goin to the open house. i wanna b a pediatrician (hope i didnt spell wrongly). dunno wad tis means, but i think it has to do wif wad i've seen so far la...juz wanna make a difference like the boy in my starfish story. but i heard tt studying medicine means 10 yrs of ur life gone leh...i think it is quite tiring, so i think must reconsider. i also understand tt the grades must make the mark, so if my grades cannot make it, i will consider doin social sci.... one farnie thing, some ppl there approach me n ask me if i will b gg in nxt yr, i gave them either of the two replies: "i m still young" or "i m not man enuf". haha, but it is true wad...hmm...shall b considered a man once i m done wif NS. haha...

Study Difficulties

2005-03-06T19:30:00.000+08:00

Studying Difficulties: few days ago, i tok to wenhui abt studying stuffs, i think wenhui is a very successful person in terms of studying. can read bks, can study, got S papers, obtained gd results, go swim every wk, prepare for band syf, bake cookies, blog as long as me etc.... haha....*dun say i flatter u, but u r too gd!* she was very kind to gimme some advice on studying but i didnt wanna waste her time. i tink her time is too precious to waste on me. sry wenhui, trouble u when u doin ur hw. so i actually thot of blogging my stuffs here so she can actually read when she is free n not spend her time to tok to me. also, when i tok, i can go on dragging on to other stuffs which is of no relevance to wad i m tokin abt. also, more ppl can tag n gimme some ideas on how to study more efficiently. anw, must really thank her for wad she've said tt evening. ok, so here goes:
abt all my subj, i juz feel tt bio is very tough to study. for my math, chem n phy, i think tt my tutorials still can cope. i m actually quite on time. but frankly speaking, sometimes i m wondering if i m juz doing my tutorials blindly w/o really understanding the concepts. for maths, i m having some difficulty, chem n phy too.... for chem n math, i hav more interest in these subj, so i think i can afford more time in these subj. if i hav anything dunno, i hav someone to help me, esp chem... for phy, now still alrite, cuz i think i m still quite ok wif electricity, but wif other topics, i think i dun get it at all. phy is very abstract, really tough to understand. in nj, it is really difficult to find someone to ask qns. like, teachers always cannot find them de....like mr goh, it is very difficult to find him to ask qns. he seems very irritated wheneva i wanna meet him aft sch to ask him qns. he is always delayin things. in addn to tt, he has been missing our lessons n in apr, he will be away for one mth for reservice, hopefully tis time, the sch can send someone more decent to teach us instead of some yr 3 teacher. n den mr yong is gg so fast for phy tutorial, ms wong is skipping qns for maths. but the situation is getting better aft feedbackin to them. but mr goh is really abit wierd lor, like he really hates to ans my qns. though i ask him alot of qns lar, but i think tts onli rite, right? as for bio, we've got pd. i must say, he is not really the worst teacher in the whole bio dept. he is one of the more caring teachers in nj. though his teaching sux, his teaching has improved frm last yr. he is not so time wasting n his lesson is more planned. he is still not tt gd lar, but he is willin to spend time to ans his students' qns, so hopefully tt will help me wif bio. the prob i hav is tt the time i spend on bio is equivalent to the time i can spend on the other 3 subj. i m alr behind time for 4 chpts for bio. havent complete 2 tutorials yet lor... so i m appealin to ppl out there hu hav some solutions for me. i havent been gg out regularly n spend quite some time in sch, cuz got trng on 3 days, reach home like 9 lor..... in addn to tt, when i come home, got tv, den all the time wasters start to set in...haiz...quite confused... anw, will try to remove these time wasters....

O level Results

2005-02-28T17:46:00.000+08:00

'O' Level Results: abt tis, i must say i m really really sad today. i heard many gd news n a few bad news. but these bad news happened to the ppl closest to me... i really dunno wad to say, shant say on the bad things, but i can promise X n nam tt i will do my bez to fight for ur rights to stay in nj. pls believe in me n urself, dun despair yet, the posting results are not out yet, there is still hope. i must say, X has really brought my fighting spirit back, my spirit n optimism back into place n i m gonna put these things into gd use...if i didnt stop fighting, u mustnt stop as well.. abt my bro, he got 20...when i heard it, i was like..quite ok, cuz i think to him, it is quite an ok results, not too bad but i expected him to do betta. but i hope tis will b a wake-up call for him to start working cuz at least he can go to a jc... i will give him all the help i can render n advice he nids, so dun give up bro, u hav two more yrs to buck up n push up ur grades... ok, now for the gd news... must congratulate celeste, xiaohui, kel, fahdli, mavis, mich n louis...esp celeste on the unexpected 6!!! she is damn happy lar...these are the ppl frm my jr klaz, was very happy for them when i received celeste msg... abt my OG, i still dunno much, but i think they r not lookin gd cuz frm the few i noe, onli a few of them got reasonable results, some not tt gd... i also wanna wish them all the bez for the results n nvr give up even if ur results r not gd, if nid help, can look for me... ok...so tts all for today's entry..work hard, play hard ppl, ur 1st 3 mths r not over yet! one advice is play all u can now, but also study, cuz once work starts proper, u will hav lesser time to play. J2, u hav no time to play. so fellow j2s, lets work hard towards our 'A' levels...one yr till our turn to receive results...

Brandon's Blog

2005-02-27T20:52:00.000+08:00

Guilty: today, i was reading brandon's blog. it has been very long since i read his blog. but today, mayb it is some fate tt i intend to read. but his entry today made me realise some things. i read the following para n felt his feelings at tt instant:
"Although I don't tell my brother in the face, I think I have always been very proud of him as a person. He's a pro, although not academically. I prayed yesterday at a church service that he will do well for his 'O' Levels. I know it will be answered. I know that although he never seemed to care about his studies, he secretly wished that he had done it and well. Sometimes, my mother compares the both of us. Sometimes, I know he feels lousy, and as a brother, I've never actually bothered to do anything, to help in any way. Feel quite ashamed sometimes, coz I think I've never really cared as an elder brother, never actual fulfilled the role of a brother. All I hope now is that he will call me tomorrow in the afternoon with good news."
i felt the same way. we hav brothers of quite close age. i m also not close to my bros. esp the j1 bro. i nvr really cared for him as an elder...quite sad case. mayb becuz we r brothers, tts y not close. but seriously, i m not very caring. haiz...occasionally, i do share a few of my opinions wif him abt certain things. m i really a bad brother? aft speakin to hiu, she gave me some comments abt it. she is also an elder sis of the family. i dunno la....juz dunno how to really tok to tis bro of mine....haiz...but i really wish him all the bez for his O results tmr n i hope to hear gd news tt he can stay in a JC...

Limelight 2005

2005-02-25T23:56:00.000+08:00

Limelight 2005: nj talentime 2005 has finally arrived. it is a much awaited event for me...wanted to see how nj's talents have developed. indeed, i thot tis yr the overall stnd was higher but during the actual event, the stnd like not so high leh. only joel, sue n kim ong can sing really decently. it is unlike last yr, the result was obvious. tis yr, competition was tight but not strong. i must really admit, my singing sux lor. haiz...quite sad when i heard them sing. but i think wad joel did was quite ok...wad made me really anticipate was his performance of his debut song Come What May. but i must admit, his You Raise Me Up is better... quite missed his singing leh, cuz onli got such chances to hear him sing, if not he seldom sing one... it is a rare opportunity to see him perform. in the end, he did cat high proud by clinching 1st...at tt moment when his name was announced, the whole bunch of us clapped so loudly...he won sec 3 talentime in cat high wif tis song as well lor, so it is really his winning song. other performances were also quite gd. the vocal grp was much betta than the solo, but sad to say, abt 90% of the participants in grp vocals r frm choir. i must say i m impressed by the harmony the choir can bring out...so gd. i think the dance was the one of the highlights of the whole event. saw grace dance on stage n she looked so diff frm the guai guai person in uniform...haha... thot she did quite well, despite having onli quite lil exp. i think she shld feel happy... the 2nd one was ok, but the bez dance was the last one...tis is wad i call last but the most! it is the usual few hu went to dance those hip hop, damn cool lor.... at tt instant, how i wish i cld b the one on stage dancing... the category aft dance was band. they were ok lar, but nth special. wad was special was mr koh's band. they played n sang n rapped really well lor...damn zai3... i was moving to the song n clappin lor... hmmm, overall, i think tis yr's talentime is betta than last yr's. it is cheaper some more n the lt was damn full that ppl had to sit on the grd to watch...i bet there r at least 700 ppl in the lt watchin... quite well spent lar, my 4 bucks...haha...

Hero - Mariah Carey

2005-02-23T22:24:00.000+08:00

havent been uploading any songs lately, i dun really noe if it works but got ppl tell me it works lar...so if dun hav, try using other coms k? anw, tis song i will b posting up here is quite a nice song. as a person hu likes mariah's music, tis song is abt 12 yrs old le...a very nice n encouraging song... sry i cannot post comments now, cuz i m really bz wif stuffs...promise i will b updatin u on the latest events n the upcoming event in NJ: NJ talentime. b back on fri k? cyaz soon!

Mariah Carey - Hero
There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away, hey yeah
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Happy Valentine's Day!

2005-02-14T23:31:00.000+08:00

Vday @ NJ: love is in the air...haha, its vday today n i really wonder wad the whole sch will b gg thru. will the mugging mood b still high or will there b love b/w every couple n frenz? haha...as for me, i did sth as usual lar, for vday. tis yr, i thot of gg to find xiang si dou n put them into glass bottles n give them to my female frenz. to me, vday is an occasion for frenz, not lovers lar...haha, mayb not yet. u may ask, how bout the guy frenz i hav, eh...tis one, i m not too sure...cuz i m broke le, so give the gals 1st lor, guys can wait till their bdae in future =P anw, i think in eng, xiang si dou is saga seeds, at least tts wad i think. i had a few female frenz lar, they r quite close to me in nj, so i thot of making it for them. the seeds r really tough to find in singapore, esp when s'pore has advanced to such a urbanised city wif not many trees ard... finally, i found a part of singapore tt has these trees, so near yet so far...haha.. (shant share my secret of the location, but u can approach me if u wanna noe =P) anw, spent quite some effort in pickin them up one by one lor, but was very satisfied wif my efforts aft abt 3 hrs of finding n picking in 2 days. i oso learnt tt such trees reproduce by explodin their fruits to spread the seeds...so tt enhanced the difficulty of the task. sum n i actually went together to pick lor, we found it quite fun lar, but must hav gd observation. so in the end, i gave 8 bottles away lor, to cyan, moon, yunshan, tsinli, sis, wenhui, starz n hiu. yar, vday is alone again lar...no valentine to celebrate tis day wif me. still waiting lar, wif no one in mind, believe it or not! den i also gave some presents lar... den i received some presents frm alot of my frenz as well, mostly, sweets n chocs...or rather, all were sweet n chocs. except a card n a star made by cyan n zhe respectively. thx guys... was really touched when i read wad cyan wrote. den i spent the whole nite munching on all the goodies i received. yum yum~ btw, it will b fen's bday in abt 30 mins, happy bdae fen...n of cuz, happy total defence day...

Mugging Mode?: i must say, i m still lagging behind all my tutorials...very sad abt tt... aft so long, more than one mth aft orientation i m still chasing my tutorials...HELP~ tts y i m det to learn how to mug...haiz...anw, i think muggers is too extreme lar, take it tt i m chasing my hw so i wun get punished again....

Lunar New Year Eve

2005-02-08T23:52:00.000+08:00

Lunar New Yr's Eve: today is new yr's eve. as usual, go to sch again lor, but was bz wif alot of things in the whole of the morning b4 flag raising. shant comment abt it. the whole event was rather average. cuz it started wif a programme in the hall which has a few performances. the whole show was rather boring. though can see tt they r putting in effort to act out n play their pieces, but sry lar... onli chi dance can catch my attn. cuz it was rather action-packed.... but thx all the performing ccas for their performances. den aft tt, we went back to the parade sq for the 1st eva NJ Idol. i must say, tis event came too late. cuz i wanted to b a part of it too. the music quality played was not really tt gd. den it was very muffled n soft. quite tough to catch wad they actually singing. the finalists were rather mediocre. it made me realise tt confirm the strong singers didnt take part. cuz the stnd not very high. i was tellin joel tt if he had gone to take part, he can b the 1st NJ Idol lor... den aft which, we went back to cat high n reach there abt 11+. we onli manage to see mrs neo. so sad...i wanted to see more teachers one...haiz... but we did had a short chat wif her. it was gr8 to see her doin well. den aft tt, go eat at j8 macs. there are alot of ppl there lor, i even started to blame RJ for it, evasince they moved to bishan, there has been overpopulation at J8 lor. anw, juz liddat lar. actually wanna play pool aft tt one, but too bad, really alot of ppl lor, so i decided to go home n help out wif house cleaning. i m really satisfied wif my stnd of doin house work. i think i m actually betta than some gals lor...haha... den i juz came back frm reunion dinner at my grandma's place. i must say, the food is so cool. but same thing every yr, there will definitely b steamboat. the atm is getting colder n colder yr aft yr...haiz... anw, i m all geared up to kick off the new yr. i even got some new clothes to change my fashion sense. shall see how lar... HAPPY NEW YR everyone!

Road Run 2005 - successful!

2005-01-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

OVER!!!: finally, NJC Road Run 2005 is over. i was so glad that it is over. n it was a real success, everything run so smoothly tt there wasnt any hiccups anywhere. i received very gd words frm my teachers-in-charge and the whole sch. my track teacher also praised the committee for a job well done, done the team proud. the whole thing went so well tt all i did tt day was to ensure everything was in place n nth else, there wasnt any emergency tt crop up. i must really thank the ppl hu helped out in one way or another in tis event, eg. the 1st aiders (mel, kenny, brent, huiyang, bobby, amos, bert & hengwee) for sacrificing their run to save other ppl's lives. they really wanted to run lor... also, must thank the short sprinters for sacrificing their time in setting up the whole thing (yanlin, amanda, siaomei). still hav pradeep n krystle for helpin me to host the whole event. of cuz, cannot forget my partners...jason n weeleng for helpin me on the day itself to handle route marshals n recording. we hav been thru thick n thin, so i think we really ought to pat ourselves on the back for a gr8 job done. we hav gone thru a few scoldings frm the teachers, but made it thru the rain. even mrs cheng thank us, she did a really wonderful thing to recognise our efforts. last but not least, the teachers-in-charge. must thank mr lim for giving me this golden opportunity to org tis big event. to mr loh, thx for helpin out in the event cuz he did really alot of things. of cuz, there is ms ho...hu gave me a few scoldin b4 which i actually wake up my idea to do my stuffs cuz all cannot meet dateline. in the end, every thing was fine...

OG Outing & R.A.T. Race

2005-01-23T22:49:00.000+08:00

OG Outing: my klaz finally org an outing on fri le...so cool. but the place we went wasnt as cool, in fact, it was damn hot. we went sentosa n it was a damn sunny day. i think all of us confirm get burnt le... i was late for abt 20 mins, cuz of my breakfast long q den i met them at harbourfront centre. they wanna go eat at food junction mar... it started quite wierd, cuz i was damn quiet, didnt really say much to any of them... but when they eating, i started to ask them things lor... but still, there seems to b a small barrier in me tt makes me shut up. den aft lunch, we set off to sentosa together on the shuttle. the whole outing was still very quiet wif ppl toking in their own small grps n the whole situation was rather cold. i was walking alone w/o saying anything... so sad case. we took the blue line but alighted at the wrong stop. so had to walk for ard half hour to reach palawan beach. cuz of the stupid hot weather, i didnt really wanna move alot on the hot sand barefooted. so i decided to stand in the shade n tt was so niang~ lor... haha, but i dun wanna get burnt le ma...so no choice. they started playin abit of capt ball n i was the capt lor, standing in the shade. not for long, some of them decided to play cards under the shade...cuz they didnt bring extra clothes. so i tried to persuade the others to get into the water. it was quite coolin in the water n i didnt wanna get out. as the numbers grow, we played monkey in the water n it was pretty challenging, unlike the normal kind u play on land. played for abt 1 hr plus n it was like 4+ le. so i went to clean up, leavin them to play their own things. when i came back, a few of them had to leave n the numbers start shrinking. but still got a decent number left lar. the rest of them played volleyball for abt 3 hrs. since i m clean le, i decided to play some card games lor...so i rotted for so long till abt 7+. we left the island for dinner at seah im food centre. the quality of food sure has decreased...so many stalls closed, but the desserts still quite ok lar... at abt 9+, some of us wanna go play pool...so we decided go to harbourfront centre to play lor. quite a few went home le. we waited for a table n i must say, i played quite well..... initially, i think i sucked, but as it goes, i can go in 5 balls one shot leh...quite cool rite? we play until abt 10 n den all go home lor... i must say it was quite alrite...not too bad lar...being the 1st outing...

"Race Against Time" Race: tis is called the RAT Race, a name i saw on someone's polo tee... quite cool rite? we had NJ Interact Orientation 1. we went out for amazing race ard orchard n the city lar. it may sound quite cliched but i thot it was quite alrite. the J1s were really a sporting batch of ppl. like in my grp, my purpose there is to bring the spirit of the whole grp up, but i felt i no nid to do tt, cuz they raised their spirits themselves...they r really gd...unlike my batch (Yr 2). it started wif the ice breakers at Botanic Gardens. it was abit cold lar...mayb cuz i wasnt on enuf. but i did try. it was quite ok lar, the games played, i think the teachers were quite satisfied. most imptly, the grp leaders must b on enuf. during the race, i got tok abit to them lar...so they were quite gd. at the end of the race, we all gathered at marina bay mrt. by looking at everyone's face, i think everyone had fun wif their grps. my grp was quite on lor, they ev en cheered for me when i was speakin to the crowd. the bez part of the day was at nite when we all went steamboat there. tis was my 1st time eating dinner wif all the excos... they r all my gd frenz lar..but sad to say, becuz of so many constraints, seldom eat wif them. plus also wif a few members. we all noe one another quite well. i was really happy n felt so xing fu... hehe. we laughed alot and ate alot. it was really cool~ we also took many photos together lor... though it ended abt 9+, but i think it was gd enuf. we also celebrated kf's bday. it wasnt really a surprise lar, but i hope he liked wad we all prepared for him. i walked away wif many gd memories.... for the 1st time, i felt tt it wasnt really a "no-fate" thing, at least for tt day lor. i felt i was the happiest man on earth n it wasnt really hopeless. it made me realise tt i was actually not tt far away...mayb juz a delusion lar, but hu cares? zhi3 zai4 hu1 ceng2 jin1 yong1 you3, bu4 zai4 hu1 tian1 chang2 di4 jiu3. well, shall see how lor...dunno if lady luck is on my side anot... another thing which i m glad abt is tt i gotta noe one of my junior betta...at least some misunderstandings cleared n things got betta. mayb tt wld b the right way to phrase it lor... so i m a happy person on tt day n i really hope tis happiness can last....haha...so wierd rite? nvm...

Behind By Alot: i havent finished alot of my tutorials n juz cheong finish some of it today. but still, i still have alot. now, i hafta worry abt the Road Run tt is on the coming fri. haiz, still hafta settle on some briefing... still hafta finish NKF ppt on thur lor, dunno how m i gonna survive. the worst thing is tt, i really feel very stress when i dunno how to do my tutorials. i juz dun understand many concepts n i felt really helpless..dunno how to do so many things lor...suddenly, i felt really useless....tts wad is preventing me frm finishing my hw...haiz...HELP~

Broke: i officially announce tt i hav no money to spend tis coming wk. so sad rite? i owe someone $16, i still hafta pay for doc $14, i also owe someone $8. so i m onli left wif $2...so sad rite? haha...if my creditors r reading tis blog, gimme some time grace, ok? =P thx....

NJC Road Run 2005

2005-01-16T21:35:00.000+08:00

NJC Road Run 2005: tis wk has been real hectic for me. i hav been so bz wif so many things n i dun even hav time to study...mayb i m using my time too unwisely. free periods i m always eating or slacking. but i do hav alot of things to do lor... as u noe, i m exco of the team. so the excos r suppose to handle one project in the whole yr. for me, i m taking NJC Road Run 2005 which will take place ard the sch n in sch. i received my task on thurs n really was shocked at the amt of work i hav. i thot i juz hafta do the fillin up of things, but i was wrong. there was nth done n i m suppose to handle everything. but thank god, i m not alone, i hav 3 2nd i/c...we splittin the jobs lor. but still, there is really so much to do. i can anticipate my upcoming wk le...haha...wish me luck. meeting was like 3 hrs long on thur n i hafta understand everything. i nid to review wad has been done last two yrs. therefore, i spent the 3 days havin meetings n everything...spent y-day doin the proposal... haha...shall see how tmr, still hafta meet the teachers abt the proposal...

Will Young - Anything Is Possible

2005-01-10T23:39:00.000+08:00

tis song has gotta b the bez song. not really lar, but i really like the song alot. haha, as promised, here's the song which i hope can inspire u. well, wad is so impressive abt tis song is tt i really like to sing tis song. makes me feel so hopeful...haha... anw, enuf of crap... tis is not really an old song n it is a song sung by the 1st Pop Idol winner Will Young. though he is not really erm...nvm, tis song is gd lar. the few lines i love frm tis song are erm...well, i think the whole song is damn meaningful lor. so i really hope everyone will enjoy tis song as well. must like it as well ok? i juz discovered a nice song in my com. will upload it as a new yr resolution song during the Lunar New Yr. haha...so await for the day to come lor. 4 more wks....=P

Anything Is Possible

I never thought I could be feeling this way
Standing here in front of you this perfect day
It’s hard to imagine where tomorrow will lead
I'll keep this moment in my mind for eternity

Even through the rain I kept my faith
The will to follow through
And I never lost the strength within
And it’s all because of you

I’m flying high like the wind
Reaching the impossible, I’ll never doubt again
I’m flying high ‘cause your love’s made me see
That anything is possible
Possible ‘cause you believe in me

In a world full of strangers, you were my saving grace
You told me I was not alone
Alone in this place, no
I never believed it that a dream can come true but
If anyone has changed my mind then baby it’s you

Even through the rain I kept my faith
The will to follow through
And I’ll never lose my way again
And it’s all because of you

I’m flying high like the wind, reaching the impossible
I’ll never doubt again, I’m flying high
‘Cause your love’s made me see
That anything is possible
Possible ‘cause you believe in me

It’s possible to spread my wings
And reach into the sky
Believe that I can fly away
When you’re by my side

I’m flying high like the wind
Reaching the impossible, I’ll never doubt again
I’m flying high ‘cause your love’s made me see
That anything is possible
Possible when you believe in it
Anything is possible
Possible when you believe in me
When you believe in me.

Reflections

2005-01-09T23:26:00.000+08:00

Reflections: wad i can say abt tis OG is tt "05S04 rawks!" thruout my JC life in NJ, tis has been the most happening time. i really didnt noe things will turn out so gr8. wad i can say is tt, my life is full of ups n downs n tis is the bez time in my JC life. few things to share. i m really like a parent to tis klaz lor. i had the gr8est fun n the most satisfying exp cuz watching them grow frm the not-so-on typical FM klaz, to the so-on-to-make-others-jaw-drop klaz. haha, so cool. when i saw them cheer so loud on day 3, i was like a kid flying a kite up into the sky successfully aft attempts of failure. one thing to tell them, "Keep it up as a team n rmb to cheer loudly. make the others jaw-drop!" hope to really hang out wif them more often in sch b4 i actually mug for my exams n stay in touch wif them... i will dedicate a song to all of them by nxt mon, so must b back to hear it ok? haha...

BBBS Trng Workshop: tis workshop is sth so sig tt may change the direction of academics. the two-day workshop really impact me alot. the trainers shared their exp wif us in a gr8 deal n i m so grateful tt i m able to attend tis. tis workshop teaches us how to b gd big siblings to the young ones hu will b attached to us soon. i m really really interested in learning more abt how to interact wif kids n noe more abt the exps shared by them. so to me, i was so active in the discussion tt i juz shot anythiny in mind. esp the 2nd day, it gave me so much inspirations tt i really m so glad i attended it. wad they taught us is confidential lar, but it is sth to do wif social work. i was rather interested in tis kinda lessons so i asked JR wad course is tis in uni, it is actually social work. i now one more option le. i really hope to b in the field i m interested in...hope tis helps...still unclear lar, but at least i m now clear abt my purpose in life le...

Wedding @ JB: juz came back frm wedding dinner. my cousin in msia getting married. it was rather ok lar, juz tt in the restaurant a hell lot of smokers lor. the food was ok, not so bad lar.... didnt really enjoy but i was so happy to see my 2nd aunt n my grandma again. really miss them so much lor~ as usual, the wedding practises of being late by the guests n so on...haha... quite shagged now lor, still hav sch to attend. starting lessons le leh, so sad, how i wish i can hav more orientation.

Orientation 1 2005

2005-01-08T22:13:00.000+08:00

hey, finally back to blog. i hav been so bz lately n shagged tt i dun even hav the energy to do wad i like to do. it has been an extended one wk of hol for the OGLs as we juz skipped one wk of lessons and try to orientate the J1s into NJ. i must say tis one wk has really been a hectic wk for all of us. not only for the actual event, but orientation has stole away our last wk of our hol. for the whole last wk of our hol, we hav been goin back to sch to practise on our march-in and the opening house skits. we also had to pack the orientation packages n set the stage for everything which will happen on Day 1. seriously, everything has been so hectic for us frm dawn till dusk. i really m speechless for words. no words can rep our weariness for this special event. howeva, i must say i nvr regret takin part in tis. i must admit, the takeaway for orientation wld b knowing more ppl frm Pattriani n frm my OG. it is all worth the effort. though it didnt start really smooth, everything ended wif a blast n i had the gr8est satisfaction of all.

Day 1: well, tis is the 1st day n i m really quite nervous abt wad is gonna happen. cuz other than the fact tt i m an OGL now, it is also 1st day back in sch. feelings were so mixed inside me. i was excited abt orientation yet sianz abt coming back for lessons yet gr8 to see my frenz again. mixed rite?!~ haha... it started wif meeting in sch everyday 0645h, tt means i hav to wake up 0530h n leave house by bus. but i must say, it is so tiring. 1st day was quite relaxed for us. we waited for the j1s to enter the hall n juz usher them into the hall n make them comfortable lor. the wk started wif a series of long talks in the hall n for us, it is juz free time for us lor. we juz hafta go in some time to give them some things. den aftnoon, bring them to the com labs to reg for subj combi. the more exciting part of the day wld b the cheers, college anthems n mass dance sessions. frm the cheers session, we really saw the betta hope for nj cuz they were cheering so much more actively. their sporting spirit made us cheer so loud, i also cannot go tt high le...haha... their cheering was even louder than our batch. mass dance session was considered very successful, but i see the me when i was in J1, so shy, dun even dare to dance wif gals...haha, so many memories of the past juz start coming back to me. haha, tis day juz ended liddat. we juz so late everyday lor, for the last wk of the hol, everyday like 12 hrs at sch lor, den start of sch also the same, abt 13 lor...so bz, den reach home still hafta b bz wif more things. haiz...but it is all worth it.

Day 2: frm the day i knew i m gonne take FM klaz, i knew there wld b many hiccups cuz FM klazes r known for their sian-ness....haha, well, tts wad i heard frm our batch. so we started wif ushering them in as well into their rows of klazes. but nj has two type of klaz numbering system: one is by number; one is by course. den all of them juz came in telling us their course, but we dunno a single thing abt it lor. so we hav to direct them like mad...haha...tts really bz. aft they all reported, it was showtime. we had to go get change into our costumes, which is all black. we must prepare for the march-in n the house skit. i must say, the whole opening ceremony was a bang, juz like wad Steven Wong (council teacher) told us, "EXCELLENT!" we were so happy tt it was over. i think the j1s also quite impressed wif wad we've done. aftwhich, we change out n went for OG session. as i expected, it was damn quiet n it was mostly admin stuffs, so didnt really tok to them n get them going. but the worst has yet to come. den aft tt, we had mass dance session. it was the 2nd day n we alr teaching 2nd dance. i must say, we r real fast, the j1s learn real quick. one dance in one day, we ogls also not so fast... station games was quite bad. i tried my really bez to get them involved in team-bonding n really seek their cooperation in giving me support, but they really damn off. i was actually quite sad n pissed wif myself, i really wonder whether i m a gd ogl. i was the onli ogl handling them lor, cuz my other two ogls had tasks for station masters n the other was the council pres. haha...so onli me left lor~! i tried to get them to cheer, but haiz, nvm lar, i shld try harder. amanda also tag wif me at times, but she also abit turned off, nonetheless, we really believed we cld do it. when i looked at the other klazes, i was so envious, but i still believed i cld do it.

Day 3: today was nth really much. as usual, i came to sch, but sth diff abt me was the greater determination i had to transform the OG. i came wif smiles n so on...trying to get myself perked up. so i tried very hard. during the house gathering, all the 6 OGs in our family gathered in the hall n practised family cheers n played family games. tt was the time i really gave up. at many times, i was asking my OG to cheer really loud, but they juz didnt gimme the response. it is like i m shouting like some mad guy, haha... finally, i really juz gave up. when the family games were being conducted, i sat there, did nth except breathing, staring into blank space. my other ogls also stone there. but i dun wanna give up at all. so i decided to seek advice frm my fellow ogls n really sit down n tok during the j1 break. i was enlightened n my spirit got up when amanda told me tt i must treat them as frenz n really skip tt ogl status. havin realised tt i may not hav done so, i decided to give it one last shot. i brought my OG for OG session n once again, it is me onli (other two can onli join me later). so at 1st, i was quite uncertain if it wld really work, but it was doing well. i really open up to them n they did the same. they started cheering cuz the SN gals started to contribute their cheers. i was really soooo sooo happy, nth cld describe how i felt. i joined in as well n really, everything went frm down to up. they started cheering, even the quietest cheered so loudly tt i was so ON lor...haha... the quiet guys also gave a cheer which i liked alot... i m so thankful. "U see i've waited all my life, for tis moment to arrive" tis line is really true here... den aft tt, i brought them for CCA carnival n i started loving my OG so so much....YAY~ aft the whole thing, we even went out to KAP for macs. tts the time i really showed them all my tricks n fun lor, haha, went so wild....

Day 4: it was time for war games. tis wld b the bez time for them. cuz i think they feedbk to me tt war games was the bez part. n i really saw them having so much fun n i've gotta admit, 04 rox (my OG). they had their cardboard so dry...i m so proud of them lor... tis is becuz of teamwork...really. i m seeing the best of them le... to me, seeing them so happy n on, i oso felt super relieved. howeva, as a medic in the war games, i m not suppose to b shot at. but i got half side wet. was so pissed at the cool houses...bitchy... but aft war games, we had abit of trouble deciding on where to go for OG lunch. aft dunno how long, we decided to bring them to play pool to allow more interaction b/w them n really make them tok. to most of them, it worked, but to some, haiz, i must use other methods le. it ended at ard 7 plus n the turn-out was pretty gd. i shot them qns to really make them admit lar...haha, like hu is the chio-est gal n the shuai-est guy in klaz....haha, the responses they give me varies n i shant say it here...=P i really enjoyed my time being wif them...hope it will really last.

Day 5: today is the last day for orientation 1 '05. it is really a sad day for me. cuz i really cannot bear to part my beloved OG...haha, but seriously, i think i wldnt want orientation to end. i had so much fun n really enjoyed myself so thoroughly. tis five days has been one of the happiest periods in my whole JC life. haha...thx S04 for the wonderful memories i will always bring wif me. anw, morning was rather sianz. cuz it was cultural mapping n we r supposed to hav a senior meet junior klaz. wad my klaz was doin was schs in bukit timah. i must admit, i was damn boring, cuz my klaz really cannot think of anything betta lor, but no choice lar, sometimes really no choice one de...haha... i oso got to noe my junior klaz betta by really pestering them qns to get them talking lor. aftall, i dun really noe them. so at the end of it, i got to noe a few ppl's names n it was quite fun to see them cheer into HC wif NJ 'Ya' cheer. haha...shiok~ howeva, it was nth really tt fun lar...they didnt really like tt as well. wad was fun tt day wld b the prep for BBQ n dance party at nite. it was also a nite which i regret yet enjoy. haha.... the ogls carried the tables n benches while the j1s go buy their food. the highlights in my OG was the cake they bought for their CT rep, we were glad they bought a nice cake to celebrate the CT rep's bdae. they also bought a cake for us, to thank us...other than a cake, they bought presents for us. i must admit, mine was a big surprise n i thot i nvr wld hav receive sth so 'dotz'...hahaz, dun say out my present, i will wear it out in future. i promised i will wear it for my 1st OG outing wif them. everyone laughed when i wore it n 'show off' to my fellow OGLs. haha, at 1st, when i opened, i got the shock of my life n didnt wanna try it on. but no choice, they all cheering leh, no choice, everyone staring at me lor...haha... but i really appreciate their gift for me... well, i made a wrong choice when i asked them to move their bbq pit to shelter cuz the rain clouds really like starting to pour rain le lor, i didnt want them to get wet, so i devised a plan to shift everything. in the end, guess wad, the rain was over so soon n it was juz light drizzle. the dance party cont n i was so guilty for asking them up...me n i stupidity. so to make up for them, the 3 ogls stayed n bbq for them while we asked them to go down to the dance party n enjoy themselves. most of them came back saying it was fun, so tt lessened my guilt lor. the party ended n all of us really had so much fun. we ended wif taking photos n these were the memories we will always hold within us. i will nvr forget tt exp i hav n i will treasure it... on my way back home, i did some reflections which i will share again.

Day 6: cuz the previous day, everyone was too tired, so we had to go back on a sat morning to clean up the whole sch. it took us really juz abt less than 2 hrs to clean up. den aft tt, we juz went lido for OGL lunch wif my family ppl lor..haha....i was so so shagged for tt day cuz for the past wk, i slept for less than 5 hrs everyday leh, so sad rite? haha, everyday reach home is 9+ le...

Xmas Parties

2004-12-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

Xmas Party At Relative's House 24th: we had lotsa food on xmas eve at relative's house. it is sth like a presents exchange. i was pretty quiet there when i reached there at 7+. it was quite ok lar, losta gr8 food. we ordered indian cruisine. got nasi briyani, chicken curry (not so hot), mutton curry (super hot), curry veg (didnt eat), spicy cauliflower (didnt eat) n the bez food of all, chicken kebab (got roasted taste leh)...can taste tt it is bbq-ed. i was super quiet, didnt noe y, juz didnt tok much to my relatives. i also didnt play cards wif them, it is like suddenly so distant frm them...haha.... but aft everything, when we lucky draw our presents, did manage to tok abit lar, aft seeing one another getting our presents to find out whether they liked the presents. i received a watch which looked quite nice, though quite cheap...also received my very 1st OP collar shirt. tis is my very 1st OP shirt leh, branded...haha, tis goes to show my clothes all not very nice one lor...haha... i m gonna wear it during CNY, must watch out for it ok? haha...

Xmas Party At Mr Abhi's House 25th: it was really fun. but same as fenella, at 1st had some doubt whether it wld b fun n will it b like so quiet. haha, but i thot wrong, it was really cool. it was gr8 to see edwin, amir, vivien, peishan n huiping again. 1st 4 frm TJ, last one frm YJ. they r really cool ppl. i think we all had so much fun, esp wif their laughters. sad to say, didnt get to see pam (frm TJ), yuenteng (frm NJ) cuz she was sick (hope she get well soon) , the rest of the YJCians (dunno y) n the Saints (5 altogether). i havent seen them b4, onli saw two of them, but not too 'shou2' wif them. haiz, i was hoping to meet them lor...so sad. we meet at 10, but we asked the TJCians to go ahead to mr abhi's house 1st n the rest of us r doin a photo album for mr abhi as a house-warming gift (cuz mr abhi juz moved house) n we thot it wld b gd if he had a collection of our photos. we hav yet to add photos frm YJ but we r waiting to update n hopefully make another album n video slideshow. so when we arrived at mr abhi's place, it was abt 12. we had difficulty finding the place. we found the place aft goin to 3 diff apartments. when we reached his place, i thot it looked like the apartment we saw in Dark Waters (chuckles...) i mean, it wasnt leakin on the ceiling, but frm the exterior, it looked pretty shabby. n the lift also, quite alike. haha, but the flat wasnt tt old at all. it looked very cosy n homely. tts wad mr abhi was telling us n it did feel like home. aft we arrived, the guys soon left the flat to buy lunch. we went to united sq to buy indian food for everyone. at 1st, we had a bit of difficulty cuz there isnt any containers big enuf to contain the food. so the owner went to buy the containers frm cold storage to contain the food. when we went back, we realised the ladies were alr having so much fun laughin away while playin cards. glad they mingled so well n gr8 to see wenhui mixed so well wif vivien n peishan. den we laid the table for lunch. we ate n chat, laughed abit lar. at 1st, i think there is a bit of barriers b/w us n the tjcians, but soon, everything went fine. aft lunch, we heard stories frm mr abhi as he shared his life stories wif us again. it was rather interesting to hear tis one. cuz he told us the most darin thing he did in india b4 he came over to singapore. when he was stil a youngster like us, he tried many things which i bet many s'poreans wld not try. wldnt touch too much on it, but he is actually a 'criminal', haha, tts wad he labelled himself. aft the story, we sat ard the glass table n started playing lame stuffs. we tried many singapore games (like black magic, bang bang hu die, how many meh meh jump over the fence, johnny whoosh, hp game, n of cuz, we shot two IQ qns to mr abhi. some of us didnt noe the ans as well. but mr abhi was smart enuf to noe the ans. he is really smart n everything, no wonder nkf employ him. den ppl started to leave lor. sad rite? haiz...as the chi saying goes, tian1 xia4 wu2 bu4 san4 zhi1 yan4 xi2. peishan left, vivien left shortly aft, zhe went off to slp also n huiping left at abt 7. so the rest of us stayed at mr abhi's house for dinner n helped him cook also. in b/w 3 to 7, ppl leave n we played cards. like hearts, asshole daidi, bridge n the normal daidi lor. we taught everything to mr abhi. he also taught us a magic trick..haha... so fun, we had so much laughter thruout the day n nite. so aft dinner, we watched dumb n dumberer on ch 5. aft tt, we cont wif our game. left at abt 2215h cuz it was getting late. haiz, so sad... howeva, since we were invited there for house warming, we hoped the house is now warmed. two things i realised frm the gathering. i realised sth wierd was going on b/w jc n amir, dunno wad also..haha, i juz thot there is sth fishy... nxt wld b sth disappointing wif mr abhi. haiz, shant say it here, but i hope he quit the bad habit cuz it is really bad for health. hmm, aft so much words, time to mug~ dotz...

The Classic

2004-12-22T23:57:00.000+08:00

OGL Session: today was ok, quite fun, got a chance to play on the new pool table in the student lounge, pretty cool, except the cue sucked, cuz the tip is too smooth.... we practised on the skit which will be vetted nxt mon. i must say, it is pretty successful. but i find sth lacking. mayb i m too passive le, but tis bunch of ppl like not as close as the ogls we hav when we 1st came into nj. practised quite a few times n didnt really hav a proper one, cuz not everyone was there. finally, they kicked timou out frm ogl. haiz...he wasnt in tis thing in the 1st place, but due to some mistakes, he got in. so far he onli attended one meetin frm hol till now lor, slack rite? haha... hopefully, like wad huaz say in her mail in the yahoo grp, everyone can b more enthu in this ogl thingy...

The Classic: watched the vcd at andy's place today.... it is a korean show borrowed frm koko. it is a love movie which shows everything in such a coincidental plot. the story abit draggy lar, so i wun touch on it, mayb juz the impt scenes which gave me certain thots. becuz b/w the two main leads, their pledge of love was tis necklace given to the guy frm the gal. den the guy went to war n lost the necklace, so he went back to the battlefield to retrieve it despite all the dangers. in the end, he got it back, but he became blind in a blast. sometimes, i really wonder if someone wld do such a thing for love. will anyone sacrifice sth dear for his loved one? will anyone commit suicide juz to grant happiness to his gd fren n his beloved? will anyone suffer silently juz to let his beloved one find happiness cuz he cannot give tt? well, these r the qns i really wonder... there is tis scene which moved me the most. the gal realised tt aft she got married, her beloved got married. but the blind man knew he cldnt give her happiness, so he lied to the gal n ask her to get married to his gd fren. aft a few yrs, when he died, the truth was bein told to the gal...she was broken-hearted... i must say, tis is the 1st korean show i eva watched in my entire life. pretty nice lar, not bad...i like it...haha....thx koko! oh yar, one very impt theory i found out frm the show. in the show, the two leads cannot b together cuz of their status in the society, but they secretly hang out wif each other n they were deep in love. till the day when both of them realised tt their love bears no fruit, the man decided to grant happiness to the gal by leaving her n suffer silence. it made me realise tt once u hav sth, u must treasure it. cuz if u lose it, it will nvr return n the agony gone thru is tremendous. love is liddat, i wld rather not hav it if i noe there is nth to end wif... haha, cheem rite?~

HELP Changi Visit

2004-12-21T19:19:00.000+08:00

HELP Airport Visit: SIA org a trip to the airport for the kids at the centre. it is also considered a xmas party for all of them. i can really see that they enjoyed their day wif many presents wrapped up. one kid has at least 5 presents. den there r still free candies, ice creams and balloon sculpturing. pretty cool... the day started wif everyone goin to the airport for a tour to understand more abt the airport. there are also alot of staffs there frm SIA guiding the kids along n tokin to them. there r really alot of them n i doubt they nid our help. we also can get to see a mock plane which is at some centre near the airport. tis is my 1st time on SIA plane leh..haha....fake one... lunch was all fried food n quite oily, but not bad lar... den the kids went to santa village which is at the main hall where they get the presents n their goodies. aft which, they were brought to the 2nd storey to actually write their ambitions on pieces of paper n hang it on the xmas tree. i read most of them n they were really adorable. i mean, wad they wished to be really reminds me of the kids we used to b...haha....howeva, one caught my attn. he wished for a happy life...i was in trance when i saw tt... i really hope they can all lead a normal n happy life...but can they live wif the shadows in their lives? i really hope so... den aft everything, the programme ended wif a show in their auditorium. it was meant for kids lar, but i think it was really gd, it was the highlight of the day as many kids enjoyed it n participated in the show actively, prob to get more presents frm them. overall, i must say tt SIA is damn rich to host such activities n spend so much money on the gifts n goodies for the children, one of the bez i hav eva seen...

BBBS Programme: it stands for big bro big sis programme. it is a programme by HELP to attach one volunteer to a kid for at least one yr. tis volunteer wld b like sibling to the child. i really hope to join tis programme but i m confused abt a few things. 1st, i dunno if i can devote my time to another child apart frm the one i hav at home. my studies r alr pretty bad, can i afford time? 2nd, i m still new to childcare, i still cannot grasp the way wif kids. i dun really noe how to get along wif all of them tt well...there is still more for me to learn. though tis is a gd opportunity for me to help more ppl n get to noe a kid betta, i still hafta think of the consequences if i cannot afford time, i may do more harm than gd.... i m still considering n jr has told me a lil abt it. he is very eager to pull me n des in lor... i do wanna join, but m i up to it? i still hope to speak more to jr b4 i make a choice. if i can manage my time, i wld hav no prob wif it, but wad if i cant? haiz...so troubled~

Trip To ESCAPE!

2004-12-18T23:23:00.000+08:00

Trip To ESCAPE: i was actually havin tis dilemma of goin to escape wif MCYC or to sentosa wif HELP... seriously, my heart was wif sentosa when my body wanna go escape. i really wished i cld split myself or mayb these two events can fall on diff days. i wanna fulfil my purpose in life but i also wanna go escape cuz nvr go b4... escape is not tt bad, but it is really damn small...the roller coaster is for children...n it is not a single bit scary... the pirate ship is small, but it was alrite. quite sianz lar.. there was tis rainbow thingy which lets u go up n down by rotating 360 deg...tt was more fun than scary. there was a similar machine which is the inverter, closed for upgrade, but tt one looks like got kick. den still hav wet & wild, the one frm very high den go down into water one lor, got big splash one? cuz i was in front, so kf hu was behind got all the water when i bend down to hide frm the splash...haha... go-kart was really fun...super... it was really like racing... i almost won if not for those kids hu blocked my way. den there was tis spinning machine also no kick, but it is more fun than scary... cyan was screaming like mad for tt one though.... den there was alpha 8 which is juz roller coaster in the dark. at 1st i thot was some simulation ride, go in den realise it is not. nth scary also, but it is super jerky, ouch~ ram here ram there... den still got the flipper. no kick oso, but quite fun lar...not bad.... aiya, the whole of escape is so damn bloody small, all the machines quite fun lar, but no kick one...not tt scary. it is not worth tt 18 bucks, thank god i m sponsored =P den aft all the fun rides, we went for bbq org by mcyc. they had lotsa food...u can eat to ur fill n in the end, they threw alot of stuffs away which we thot is a waste. b4 they threw away the rice, we had a comp to see we can eat finish tt big share of rice 1st, but none of us cld, up till now, i m still bloated...haha... overall, it was quite alrite...cuz managed to hav some fun there. too bad moon didnt go, she wld really enjoy escape, cuz she likes excitement. get well soon ok? i dunno if i made the right choice by skipping sentosa...but i hope i didnt...

NKF Attachment Day 9 (last day)

2004-12-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

NKF Attachment Day 9: today is the last day of our attachment. mr abhi tok to us for the 1st part of the morning to hav a focussed grp discussion. we really appreciated wad he said abt us...cuz he praised us being very conc wif work n came up wif gd ideas...thx mr abhi. we intended to make a tribute video for him to thank him for his hospitality in this 9-day period. we made the tribute video using juz 2 hrs leh. i think though we didnt complete it, we made it look like it is completed n we aired it during our pptn. thx to efforts of everyone, esp zhe hu did most of the tech work... the pptn also he do alot of it lar, so must thank him for all his expertise in tis area. mr abhi is a very gd employer, he always treat us lunch frm his own pocket, so on the last day, his lunch is on us...haha... not ex, but juz a token of our appreciation. many ppl attended our pptn tt day, we hav susie, juliana, emma, michelle, abhi and two of the SA ppl, one is eugene and can't rmb the other one. though our pptn wasnt a gd one, but i believed all of them are concerned abt our ideas... b4 we left, we gave many suggestions on our the interns can work together in future n i hope mr abhi can work them out so as to allow us to noe one another betta. so tis aftall, though it is the last day of our internship, it is not the last day of our work n fun together, it is juz the beginning...

Ballet Show: watched a ballet show at the esplanade juz now. was running super late for the show so i cheong all the way to meet them n bought delifrance sandwiches. the ballet was damn abstract as it was a mime-type, wif no words lor...so cheem~ there were 3 acts, i slept thru the 2nd act which is quite sad...but the last act i was wide awake. must say lar, the band played very well n the ballet was very elegant, even for the guys....but it is juz too cheem tt i dun understand a single thing frm it. i still prefer to watch branz's plays, though cheem, got words, still can catch some ball of wad it is tokin abt...haha...

NKF Attachment Day 8

2004-12-14T21:49:00.000+08:00

NKF Attachment Day 8: today, quite borin but towards the end, it was rather interesting. it was a whole day of orientation again, to end the internship programme as we watched patch adams again in the morning for the benefit of fenella n yuenting. so we discussed everything together n morning juz ended liddat. aftnoon was more interesting as emma asked us to build bldgs using newspapers n must b solid n tall. in the end, the gals won the guys....haix... den she screened a video which is one of the talk & meet session wif the CEO. at 1st, i was so tired tt i juz fell into a semi-conscious state. but when it was the Q&A, i woke up wif more energy to watch it n omg... the CEO is really a very versatile speaker. he has his own ways to tackle the Q&A frm diff perspectives n using diff strategies to shut the clients up...haha... i was really really impressed by his persuasiveness. well, tts all for today's attachement..tmr is the last day le, abit of bu4 she3 de2...haiz...

NKF Attachment Day 7

2004-12-13T20:25:00.000+08:00

NKF Attachment Day 7: the attachment is coming towards an end...quite sad abt it but nvr regretted going there though i noe i had to become some advocate for NKF aft goin there. gotta noe many ppl, so glad.... our employer is mr abhi, a gd man he is, farnie as well. he shared many things wif us...treated us very very well, all the lunch is he fork out his own money one leh, he didnt claim a single cent frm nkf at all... haiz....we r quite guilty of it... so i intend to make a collage for him, wif all the photos frm all the 4 colleges... ok, so here goes today's activity. we attended the CEO's talk session tt is wkly. his tok is quite interestin n he spoke abt many things. but sad to say, i was so tired cuz went to bobby's house to stay over n watch soccer n to watch them play soccer. went there n saw hengqing, weijun n weixuan. so desmond joined them n i was sort of alone le..haha, not really my type lar. got watch soccer match, but some parts they were tokin abt it n i dunno wad they tokin...quite wierd. so in the end, didnt slp much at all lar, abt 3 hrs? haha... so ended up half conscious while listening. some more sit in front rows leh, haiz...hope he didnt spot me. he tok abt cross over, merchandising n tie-in. it was rather comical. aft the long talk, we went up to the usual rm n started wif our proj n pptn. the whole day juz did tt lor. during lunch, went for bk n the food really quite gd... so as usual, discussed our proj n i at 1st very stone, cuz tired, but buck up aft a while n really gave my bez shot. so we did came up wif excellent ideas n developed it, mr abhi liked our idea. so tmr will b more work for us lor...haha

4-4 Gathering

2004-12-11T13:59:00.000+08:00

4-4 Gathering: again, it is at wm's house, haiz, always hafta trouble his family one leh, but his house is really very big lor, so no choice =P... we must really thank wm and family someday for everything. i must say, tis nite is gr8, at least i hav 20+ ppl turning up. though not many teachers came, cuz bz wif either holidays or dates, mrs neo came wif nina~ it was really gr8 tokin to our dear mrs neo again. haha... i reached at 7pm along wif wjh n jon tiong cuz i saw them at the mrt station on my way here. well, food is really juz so-so lar, but it is meeting wif frenz again tt is more meaningful for gatherings... though the feelin of a klaz may not necessary b there le, others they enjoy den can le lar...haha... well, read sam's blog n he said he enjoyed it lar, so shld b ok. must really thank branz for doin most of the job n frankly speaking, i did more harm than gd lar. cuz when it comes to collectin money, i m really so screwed up lar...i must really apologise to everyone... thx to branz, everything went on quite smoothly. also to koko hu also contacted many ppl lar....i think i did the least stuffs...haha...but i m really so bz n tired tis whole wk lar...haiz...do forgive me lar....i think i m very disorientated le... tok quite abit to mrs neo, she really tells us alot of stuffs happening in sch n abt her life n so on....sharing her exp lar..haha...hope to hav a party soon n the nxt wk wld probably b during CNY...

Speaking To Mrs Neo: aft speakin to her, she has made me realise my purpose in life. my purpose in life is to help ppl, as many as i can.... i may b a doc, or mayb not, but i will still help ppl as long as i m alive. tis is my goal in life....thank you mrs neo...

Early Xmas: today, HELP had their xmas at YMCA. i must say, tis party is really lame lar, it is org by the URA ppl lor n they sponsored it whole thing. saw my ex tuition teacher there, know her for 7 yrs le. got tok abit lor, quite surprised actually...haha.... anw, the place is so damn boring lar, i mean, we didnt really do alot of stuffs...didnt manage to interact wif the kids... so sad for me.... i was hopin can play wif them...haha. my conclusion is nxt time we hav an outing, dun involve the URA ppl, they r so sad case lar...haha

To the one whom i owe it to...

2004-12-10T21:16:00.000+08:00

To Someone Who Shone Light To Me: durin my attachment, i met a gr8 bunch of frenz frm other colleges as well. aft the attachment, i hope to seek a long frenship wif them n managed to tok really well wif one of them. tis person shone light on me during some of my darkest hrs n said many things to me which will help me for life. there is a saying i learnt at NKF: "There r two ways of spreadin light, to be the candle or be the mirror tt reflects it" tis line impact me alot. tis person has shone light to me, perhaps now, it is my turn to reflect the light back now tt prob has started to arise. i dunno wad to say to tis person, except to pull urself together, many ppl ard u still care. tis song below is for u...

"It's Alright"

Dubbi dubbi ah a-a-ah
Do do-do, do do-do Do do-do, do do-do
Do do-do, do do-dubbi dubbi ah a-a-ah

So tell me how you feel
Tell me what is going on
Cos when all hope is gone
You need a friend

Ah ha, yeah
I'll be there for you (for you)
I'll be there to help you through (you through)
Take you to another place
Cos you got a friend(You got a friend, yeah)

When you're feeling lone
And you're on your own
You got nowhere to go
You gotta pull yourself together

It's alright
Anything you wanna
It's alright
Leaving all your troubles
Far behind
Don't let anybody tell you
How to live your life

Cos it's alright
No matter what you're feeling
It's alright
You cannot stop believing
In yourself
Don't let anybody tell you
How to live your life

Cos it's alright
It's alright
You know it's gonna be alright

Oh yeah
You gotta understand now
Tomorrow is brighter day
The memories will fade away
And the sun will shine, on you

So many friends you get to make
So many hearts you get to break
So much love you gotta give
Your whole life's still left to live

Spread your wings and fly
Kiss the pain goodbye
Let the tears run dry
You gotta get yourself together

It's alright
Anything you wanna
It's alright
Leaving all your troubles
Far behind
Don't let anybody tell you
How to live your life

Cos it's alright
No matter what you're feeling
It's alright
You cannot stop believing
In yourself
Don't let anybody tell you
How to live your life

Cos it's alright
Won't you tell me it will be alright
You know its gonna be alright
Please tell me it will be alright

When you're feeling lone
And you're on your own
You got nowhere to go
Now's the time to get yourself together

It's alright
Anything you wanna
It's alright
Leaving all your troubles
Far behind
Don't let anybody tell you
How to live your life

Cos it's alright
No matter what you're feeling
It's alright
You cannot stop believing
In yourself
Don't let anybody tell you
How to live your life
Cos it's alright

NKF Attachment Day 6

2004-12-10T21:03:00.000+08:00

NKF Attachment Day 6: today is really fun. we started wif LifeDrops, which is a dept tt deals wif the adults' donations. the donations are actually deducted frm their accounts by giro. den they deal wif rewards n so on lar. jas (the person in charge of us) asked us to write a short msg to the public to thank them, of cuz we put ourselves in the shoes of the children patients to write the letter. it was a short session n we were back to the PR/Comms dept to help them pack the goodies bags again. haiz...finally, we completed packing 1159 bags..haha, we actually counted cuz we MUST count lor. when we thot we finished, they came to tell us we still hafta put apples into ALL the bags...we jaw dropped lor...haha. so we actually started wif a new system to pack the apples n the rm was filled wif goodies bags. we started n stop halfway to go for lunch. den aft lunch, we went to meet the senior executive of Sch's Resource Centre. they deal wif donations frm youths n children....basically, ppl below 21... den we had a pretty interactive session wif her, i really tok alot abt all sorts of things which i wanna noe more abt...haha, quite cool. i think frm tis session, we generate pretty lot of ideas...it is quite beneficial to our pptn at the end of our stay. den aft tt, we went back to do the goodies bags but to find out tt the yj ppl finished le, so we juz help to bundle everything up wif raffia string n await transportation....quite ok lar...haha

NKF Attachment Day 5

2004-12-09T20:20:00.000+08:00

NKF Attachment Day 5: today was rather boring. actually, it was becuz they had tis event goin on. it was the signing of a memorendum of understanding or MOU. tis is sth like a contract, but juz no trade involved. it is actually tis person frm india hu is considered well-known thruout the world...his IT company is worth US 10 billion...haha, tts very shen2. mr abhi told us tt he is gonna become the nxt pres of india...we were quite impressed cuz he really looked like a political figure (big tummy, thick moustache, really knowledgeble look)... den aft tt, we saw the high commissioner of india (whom i dunno hu is tt) n a strange thing abt it. he is called His Excellency. i find tt pretty wierd cuz we onli call our president by tt salutation rite? so i m really puzzled. accordin to NKF, tis is a milestone event in history cuz they sign tis MOU to set up non-profit management. quite wierd lar. they showed videos n everything n finally, aft many ppl spoke, they signed....haha....corny rite? but it is significant ok?!~ b4 tis ceremony, we met the dept of patients advancement (DPA) assnt manager, Job... he is a very frenly person, but we didnt expect he is a kidney patient as well. he speaks alot of things abt nkf, all the gd things.... he is quite a brave man lar.... he had a son, hu is a child advocate for nkf. we ate lunch together wif them n realised his son also quite nice to tok to.... he showed us many of those sad videos n according to him, tis is wad we call emotional marketing. den he said alot abt alof of principles n alot of marketing lar...haha, so confusing. no chance to ask him lar, cuz everything was so rush today as there is the VIP coming to sign MOU. so practically, for the whole session in the morning till 4 today, we either slack wif music, watch videos or tok to Job.... aft everything, we were summoned to the DPA to help them do things lar, wrap presents.... we met a few p6 kids hu were volunteers....admired their spirit to come n help out durin their free time... aft wrappin the presents, we were summoned to another place to help out....it was the PR/Comm dept. we had to package goody bags for their cancer awareness event tis sat at tampines. haiz...there are quite a bit of stuffs in the bag n we had to make abt 1000 bags, but cldnt finish lar, we stopped work at 7 n onli cld hav 800 over bags. haiz....9 ppl lar, so shld b quite gd.... den we were reimbursed wif 3 bucks for our meal?! haha, so wierd, i dun mind lar, actually, i will accept any amt, cuz i really nid money. so tts how my day ended, quite bad lar, didnt really learn much stuffs, other than to work fast enuf to meet the target...haha....

Mariah Carey - Can't Take That Away

2004-12-08T23:29:00.000+08:00

A Song For You: tis song is sung by mariah carey. i still can rmb wad she said on one of her performances for tis song. she said tt tis song is for those hu r going thru any trouble in life n hope they can find the light at the end of the tunnel. tis is song, is juz for u....life is nvr smooth sailing. i hav gone thru many things as well, but wheneva i hear tis song, it gave me strength to move on. it reminds me of the happy things i hav gone thru, like wif my frenz, wif my family n the children at HELP FSC. jhong ren (the person in charge of HELP) always thank me for goin down to help out, but i think i shld thank him instead for giving me such a chance to do gd, n to light up my day... go thru the lyrics n find meaning in it as u listen to it, presenting to you the song...hope tis helps:

Can't Take That Away

They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow
Anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me

And they can try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

CHORUS:'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me

They can do anything they want to you
lf you let them in
But they won't ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside

See I have learned there's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul
That they cannot possess
So I won't be afraid
And darkness will fade

'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me

No
They can't take this
Precious love l'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go

They can say anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But I won't face the ground
I will rise steadily
Sailing out of their reach
Oh Lord
They do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

'Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me....

NKF Attachment Day 4

2004-12-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

NKF Attachment Day 4: well, today, it is pretty much of text based lessons... learn more abt kidneys n their functions... quite sianz lar, more on the informative side... eh, they delayed the lunchtime n we onli had half hr to eat... the doc abit long winded but he explained alot of stuffs which is so cheem~ lar...dun even understand n hafta ask more qns which delayed lor.... b4 lunch, he brought us to the dialysis centre n i met some patients as he introduced to us many components of the dialysis machine. initially, i thot it was quite cool, cuz alot of gadgets here n there, many things to explore n learn. hmm.... but aft a while, i had to face the patients. i didnt noe wad i was doing, fiddling wif the machines here n there...but i didnt wanna face up to the reality which is the patients. tis is the 1st time i m looking at a dialysis process. the patients juz lie there, pretty tired looking. but some of them, they were really active n happy. the nurses there too, very frenly n r like frenz of the patients. the patients they do receive quality services, like TV n fishtanks....i think it is really excellent lar, but the fishtanks mayb can take away, decor until so nice tt i tot it was a lil unnecessary. aft lunch, we met up wif the INER ppl (institute of nursing education & research), which is basically nursing. the lesson conducted was pretty interesting cuz of the lady, suzie, she is an angmoh, but super frenly n farnie at times. howeva, i fell aslp in the midst of her tokin n i got the attn of the klaz...cuz she was tokin a lil fast n mono lar... i tried to peel my eyes open like to look at outside trees n turn my head, but haiz, my mind juz drift away. she shared stories abt their nursing education n the process, the satisfaction they received as nurses n of cuz, to tell us abt the road to becomin a nurse, which is the education process. aft which, we had another trip to the dialysis centre to understand abt renal nurses n their jobs. it is slightly more in depth. aft which, the last event of the day, we went to the research lab clinic place to use the stethoscope n wif needles n fake dummies to poke them....haha.... it ended wif a grp photo wif the YJ gals, they r actually quite nice ppl, but didnt hav much chance to tok to them, hope to get to noe them as well....

NKF Attachment Day 3

2004-12-07T21:50:00.000+08:00

NKF Attachment Day 3: well, today wasnt tt bad, in fact, i thot it was rather surprising. the day started wif us meeting peishan n vivien at the cafe. haha, hav been looking forward to meet the tjcians over the wkends. really can tok abit lar...but when i reached there, saw peishan doin hw!? so fast start le...haha....i shld start muggin soon perhaps.... anw, so we juz left them for PR/Comm dept. we juz met the PR ppl at abt 10 when it shld hav been much earlier. but aft tokin for abt 15mins, someone came in n told her that the deputy director is lookin for her. so she left leaving us alone again. so we took the time to discuss some rough ideas for our pptn tt we hafta hand in at the end of the day. the PR person quite ok lar, she was rather transparent when it comes to saying things n so on...but aft she left, tis guy frm PR came in n took over. he was frenlier. tok quite abit abt the stuffs n so on.... den came lunch. so glad peishan called me n asked us if we're rdy cuz i was hopin they didnt forget us...haha, they very fren hor? haha... we all went out together for pizza at canadian's. ate wif them, chit chat abit abt our schs, tok abt PW n laughed quite ok lar....but i m sure they can laugh more wif the SAJC ppl...haha... but all gd things hafta come to an end. lunch ended as we had to go back for events marketing n they bade gdbye to us. we took some photos b4 farewell n it was pretty sad for me...haha...hope to meet up wif them again. when go back, thot it wld b boring, cuz we waited for an hr b4 the lady came. meanwhile, our employer mr abhi, he entertained us wif his stories abt his life as a journalist, gettin married n inviting us over to India for his wedding??!?!?!~ haha....so finally, she came n bombarded us wif survey qns abt their ads n nkf...it was a relatively interactive session b/w both parties. at the end of it, it was quite a surprise to us tt she gave us concert tix to tis concert where u will get to meet all the superstars frm taiwan...like 5566 n so on lar...haha, but i cldnt make it, cuz the day of concert is on 11 Dec 8pm....there is a really impt thing during tt period...haiz, missed tis 98 bucks tix le...haha....hope it wun b a wasted waste. haha

Track & Field Seniors' Farewell '04

2004-12-06T13:47:00.000+08:00

Track & Field Seniors' Farewell '04: it was a pretty tiring nite for the team cuz many of us juz worked all thru the nite for our dear seniors. actually i thot there wasnt much food, but it was a spread. i think it is really considered a feast cuz really got alot of food. there are food which i havent tasted b4 like the shepherd's pie and apple crumble. they taste really great lar n tis is like a potluck kinda thing. everything went on pretty ok lar, we showed the video, start to eat, played games, gave speeches by our fellow seniors n teachers n last but not least, the cake n our skit plus cheer. i really must thank the whole team for working together n came up wif tis brilliant way of the party. i hav seen alot of things lar, both gd n bad abt ppl. haha, shan't say abt the bad. teachers said alot of thing which made sense though quite long lar. as many wld hav known, mr V quek is leaving, it is really a loss for NJ team. when he came into nj, the team was in crumbles n almost got disbanded. but becuz of him, the team grew alot. frm onli a handful of students (meaning onli like less than 5), to the current strength which is like more than 20 for juz j1s alone. we came regularly down for trngs n so on...so the team really grew alot, as individuals n as a team. i really wld like to thank mr quek for bringing me into the team when i joined. cuz as a thrower, not many chance to mingle wif the track. he brought me in lar n now, i must say i love the team. hav alot of frenz in there....gd thing isnt it? i wish him all the bez in his future endeavours n tis line goes out to the seniors as well. howeva, we had a hard time cleaning up the place aft the party n onli left the place at 12 plus...so tired...i woke up at 12 plus tis morning....haha

HELP Goes To Pasir Ris

2004-12-04T23:34:00.000+08:00

Pasir Ris Outing: tis outing is org by HELP to bring the children frm the BBBS programme for sth like a mini camp for one day lar. the thing is sort of org by the volunteers n the person-in-charge juz let me n desmond run the whole show. tis indeed is a tiring job cuz both of us were in charge of the games for the whole day except of ruijun was in charge of kite-flying. the day started wif a bad throat alr. so i ate some fisherman's fren n felt a lil betta. but when i reach there, i hafta start to shout le. there goes my throat. my voice went a lil sore. sometimes, desmond gotta do the shouting lor. we intro the games we played for OGL n let them play lar, shld b pretty effective. at least i got to play wif more kids n noe more of the kids at HELP. it was really a very fun outing, esp for me. i flew a kite aft so long n i really behaved like a kid, so happy when the kite flew up there n stayed n disappointed when the kite fell. so like the song i m playing on my blog now, there is tis line which i will translate it now. "there is a child in everyone of us, no matter how old we are". on our way back, jhong ren told me tt they will b havin xmas party coming sat. i was surprised at such early date but not bad lar. den aft the party i hafta go frm YMCA to wm's house for another gathering. i dunno how my stomach gonna take it...n he told me the number of children hu will b turning up. 160!!!! i was shocked when he say the centre got so many kids. tis wk, i await for many things...hehe...

NKF Attachment Day 2

2004-12-03T23:21:00.000+08:00

NKF Attachment Day 2: it started wif us being introduced to ppl frm other colleges like YJ n TJ. they r the 3rd n 2nd batches respectively. TJ having their last day tmr which is a sad thing and YJ juz started wif their 3rd day. the tj ppl i met is really very farnie n they r very frenly. (Are all TJCians liddat?) when i reached there wif my other 2 working mates, we shook hands wif them n they intro themselves wif tt enthusiasm u cannot find in us...so can2 kui4. we didnt really tok much, juz listened to one another n try to understand each other quietly... surprisingly, both sides didnt tok much. we juz listened.... the reason behind tis is becuz we didnt dare to approach them, abit shy; they didnt dare to approach me n zhe, cuz we look dao.... but later in the 2nd day, we cleared everything. it started wif one of them asked for nj badge frm me, den i gave it to him for free lor, as a gift of farewell (hope not permanent) and hopefully the start of a gr8 frenship. den i asked them for their emails lor....if they didnt approach me, i wld not hav the courage to ask them...so i m actually happy to meet them but sad tt it is their last day today. i hope can keep in touch wif them....

Job Scope: well, actually, i stepped in wif an open mind but hoping to learn more abt public speaking and communication & PR like they said in the programme sheet. i thot that is all le, but to our horror, there was more to it...we had to do a mini PW at the end of it and tts not too bad, speaking is wad i like to learn more abt anw... we hav to present as well....tt one also fine; wad doesnt sound so gd is sth like a lifelong attachement to NKF... our employer said sth abt becoming advocates of NKF, to b ambassadors n go speak to schs abt NKF... it came as a shocking news to us, cuz we didnt expect sth liddat... howeva, if we look frm another perspective, aft i noe more abt NKF, i thot tis is more of a gd cause, so i accept it more willingly...n hopefully i will enjoy my job as an advocate...wadeva tt means..haha.... i hope to work wif other peers frm other colleges more closely in future...mayb to build a stronger frenship...haha, esp wif the TJCians, they r really cool...

NKF Attachment Day 1

2004-12-02T23:17:00.000+08:00

NKF Attachment Day 1: today was relatively boring den there was the interesting part. the attachment started wif the employer coming down to bring the tjcian n the yjcians up to their respective depts as it wasnt their 1st day there. he came down aft tt to bring us up to a small meeting rm to start wif some induction. we met up wif Corporate University (a name given by themselves to themselves). the person was emma. she started wif a wierd intro which req us to draw pics of wad we think of ourselves n of nkf. n den, we were brought into another rm to watch vcds (u noe, those which shows u abt nkf). there goes the whole morning. she briefed us on the tasks we required to do as well which will b posted on the nxt entry. when lunchtime came, we were pretty glad. howeva, when we heard tt emma will b joinin us for lunch, our hearts sank, not tt we dun like her, it is juz tt we hope to choose our food ourselves w/o RESTRICTIONS. wif her, it was a lil uncomfortable. so we went to kfc n lunch was paid by nkf... when we returned back to the place for our public speaking lecture conducted by Mr Shenton Sng, i was pretty excited but was hoping it wld b interesting n fun to learn. indeed it was, he was a very animated person hu used actions to elaborate his pts. the tok was definitely more extensive than the OP workshop we had in nj. we had to also give speeches on the topic he gave us. it ended wif sth which taught me the most things n almost moved me to tears. it was a speech which he wanted to demo n to show us what an effective speech is like. it was a story abt his family and his son. i wun go too deep into his story but juz a rough idea. he started by showin a pic of a baby which is juz so puny. it was premature, onli 36 mths old. it was taken out frm the womb becuz the baby was sufferin frm brain haemorrage. the skull was enlarged n if the baby was not operated immediately, he wld die frm the enlarged skull filled wif bloody water. so when he was taken out frm the womb, his organs were juz formed, it was quite complete except for his head n his size. he was in ICU n had to go thru the op immediately. the doc gave the parents two choices, one is to hav a thing inserted into the brain but the boy wld hafta go thru op every 3 yrs to extend the thing in the body; two wld b to drain the bloody water. the couple chose the latter option which was also a painful decision for their beloved son. they prayed everyday in church for their son to b alrite. the op was a success as 3 holes were made to drain the water n the boy is now safe n still alive. howeva, poor baby had to go thru so much at such young age. so everything went on pretty well as he showed us the photo of the 2-yr-old boy now. he was rather adorable, looked juz like any other kid. there was no deformities but mr sng said sth which really struck me. the left side of his body is paralysed. when i heard tis, my heart sank immediately. such a cute boy, but cannot b like a normal child. his father had big aspirations for him, but now, it wld b the bez thing if the boy can pick up frm where he has fallen n walk again. mr sng told us the help n encouragement they give to their son n tt really moved me to tears. it gave me true reflections of wad i nid to do or wad i m doin now. it gave me the strength to carry on wif doin childcare service for HELP; it gave me the reason for my doubts. frm tis story, i really feel tt mr sng is a very brave man to tell tis story to inspire others n encourage all those hu r down to stand up n move on. i admire his courage n his food for thought struck me. he ended wif a rhetorical qn which i hope to pose it to everyone. "When was the last time you helped someone or encourage them? When was the last time you didnt take r frenz for granted?" to these qns, i hav my doubts....

SI & OGL

2004-12-01T23:04:00.000+08:00

Singapore Idol: tis show ended wif a bang. the onli thing i hate abt the finale was the ads....overwhelmin lor... apart frm the ads, the show was gr8. mayb i shld recap my feelings abt the show frm 5 june till now. it started wif tis PW grp, goin there in the rain aft deciding on their theme to b on talent hunting and we used SI as our case study. the scene was roaring wif ppl n i oso had alot of my frenz hu went there to take part...they encouraged me to join in for exp, but well...my mum was against the idea. i did think of taking part, but haiz...nvm... den aft major slashin to abt 100 or so, there came the shows whereby they form grps n everything... den jessea was in tis show.... immediately, she became my idol...she sang so well n everything abt her is made to b an idol, but aft the piano shows, she got kicked out at the 1st round of the top 12... so sad... it really affected many of us hu supported her, but wad to do? even jerry can stay....wad de hell?!?! for wks, i cursed SI becuz of jerry until the day he got booted out, i was celebrating lor...haha, bloody asshole...juz hate him so much lor. den there was two superstars rising up frm nowhere, sly n taufik. at 1st, sly was betta than taufik. i thot sly went up initially n his singing was gd, until more flaws appeared. well, he dropped lor during the wk daphne got voted out....it was obvious his singing got worse. taufik was tis guy oso nvr see b4 one n he went up gradually. there is nvr one performance he dropped his standard. he is constantly improving. eventually, he became the winner. to speak the truth, at the piano show, i was hoping him to get out, but now, i regretted saying that. frm dun like, become my idol, i must say....big change....haha. there is onli this time sly was betta than taufik, it was when he sang "I Dream". i thot tt was really gd, betta than taufik. the rest, like the bon jovi one, i think abit off key leh.... i was touched when i heard "I Dream" cuz i had a dream, tt is to sing on a stage n everyone juz rooting for me, but tts naive...it can nvr b true lar. i was hoping taufik can sing a malay song, the one i missed during the one of the last few episodes, but haiz... SI is a gr8 show, displayed frenship... one last thing b4 i go one, i think i saw jon tiong on the vj choir thingy n a few more ch choir members....so glad to see them being backup vocals, how i wish i hav the honour...didnt see 'vaness' leh..haha, but i m sure he is there...cuz he is my shifu...he was the one hu taught me to sing decently...i thank him for that....

OGL Session: it is really gr8 today, enjoyed alot wif all of them, though i still dunno them very well, in a sense only by name lar...so quite difficult to bond, but i will try. we started wif learning 'come on over', it was pretty tough initially, cuz big grp not ez, smaller grp wif the rest is easier. i sort of mastered the dances, hopefully got 80%, wif a few parts not polished n still quite segmented, still nid a guide in front....haha....we r supposed to noe everything soon lar.... the games we played were ok...mafia (a game which brings back bad memories), capt duno wad (quite a lame game) and the last one was pretty fun...dodgeball, similar to the movie one i guess, nvr watch.... i too big, quite difficult to 'siam'. aft the games, everything ended n it was when i can perfect my moves. lignum went to the lounge n started practising for an hr lor...non-stop hor... i got blisters at my sole now...OUCH~ overall, i really enjoyed my day being an OGL, howeva, man is nvr contented...must sure more n more fun for us ok? (tis goes to Miow~) haha...juz joking....

Special Thx: someone came to tok to me abt certain things juz a few days ago during like 1am lor, i thank him for that. he noe hu he is lar, i dun hav to say n i dun wanna disclose his identity to protect him...haha.. he told me things abt changes n so on...content u no nid to noe lar, i juz wanna thank him for everything, may not work, but i will try abit lar, shall see durin 11 Dec... anw, i must mention tt 11 Dec is 4-4 gatherin at wm's house, i will b contactin the teachers...except mrs neo cuz branz did that le... i hope i get to see everyone... if there are any latest changes, i will try to tell all of u... btw, tis time it is not me, i keep saying i wanna do it, but no time lar...i think branz is on the job...thx branz n hueva is doin it as well....

Back With Feelings Like None Other

2004-11-30T23:12:00.000+08:00

Back With Feelings Like None Other: juz came back frm m'sia. quite mixed feelings, dunno how to describe properly. nvr felt liddat b4, perhaps tis is the 1st time. he used to b as fit as a fiddle, though wif a cigarette always in his hand, he can cycle really well frm the country to town. it was his daily routine. he likes to comb his hair, though it all turned white, he still wanna remain as handsome as he could. he can tok really well, even shout...but now, he can do none of the above. he is suffering....alot... he is bedridden, wif tubes n needles here n there... he can no longer speak wif that clear husky tone, but wif only a soft mutter which all of us hav prob hearing it. he is now bald, though white, no longer able to comb his hair. he cannot smoke anymore, cuz his lungs is in a very bad shape. his cough is the worst case i've ever seen, not even the strongest antibiotic can cure him. he cannot even lift his hand to light a cigarette.... he is now a bedridden feeble old man....wif a maid to take care of him... how long can he live? we dunno, all we cld do is probably to keep our fingers crossed... my relatives n my mum were afraid of the day that wld eventually come.... i walked into the ward, wif looming sadness... i prayed that i nvr had to step into a hospital again to visit...but i had no choice..time is pushing me in.. lyin on the bed was a familiar face but wif a very skinny figure. it was ah gong, so long didnt see him le, he changed so much....he is now left wif only that bit of strength to breathe. even for breathin, he is tryin so hard. my mum is there frm dawn till evening...wif him, takin care of him....see her liddat, she has become abit worn out... i stared at my ah gong for some time, many thots ran thru my mind, like the him in the past, wad happens to old ppl n many many things....i was hopin to share some of his pain.... my mum ask me a qn, she asked me wad to do? she felt terrible when she see him liddat, but she wanna take gd care of him...she had work to do in s'pore, cannot take the time off. she cried, i know she cried...haiz...wad to do? in my heart, i wanted to take care fo ah gong as well, but i juz cannot bring myself to do it. there are so many things i wanna say to him, but i juz cldnt do it...i tried to tok to him, but i cldnt understand wad he is tryin to say... mum told me he misses us very much, in fact all his grandchildren...he looked at me wif such relief in his eyes... my mum told me he cannot b cured le, juz lying there waitin for the day to come. she asked me how to alleviate his pain, i suggested coming to singapore wif us....but it is really expensive. the med facilities here is much betta compared to the small town... we didnt noe....we were as confused as everyone else....help...

Sorry!

2004-11-26T20:31:00.000+08:00

Sorry: sry ppl for the delay in updating my blog. got new song, though in chi, i think it is a really nice duet. i like the blending of the two singers, i hope to pick it up soon. hehe.... i will try to blog more often lar, quite lazy...have been playin games recently lor...didnt even touch bks... haiz...

Going M'sia: well, finally, i can go back to see my grandpa. i dunno how he is doing, it has been a long time since i saw him... nxt wk, i onli hav 3 days to see how my grandparents r doing n my other relatives as well. i oso bringing back some bio back to read...i hope to get 'A'verage instead of 'E'xcellent, lol~... anw, main purpose still to go back n see how things r going. i juz hope everything is fine..

OGL: well, finally, my dream of becoming an OGL came true. really glad abt tt, cuz it is really lucky for me, wif such poor results..haiz... i will definitely work harder towards my academic side cuz i guess i will b missing a lot of lessons when sch reopens. i dunno if i m up to it, but i m willin to give my bez shot. today was my 1st day of proper trng for OGL. i must say it is tough to get to noe everyone when we r all so stranger lor... i will try to b abit more enthu lar...mayb i too passive le...haha, anw, today we learn dance. the songs r very nice. i like the songs alot lar... the dance steps also betta than our batch's dance. the songs used are "accidentally in luv" and "com' on over". one more is "summernights", our traditional song which is inherited generation to generation... we watched all dances n they look really nice. they taught the 1st song which is "Shrek 2"'s opening song. i m a slow learner, so up till now, aft abt 2 hrs of learning, still cannot master. but i m really willin to put in my effort to learn. it started quite bad, cuz i was late. had to go for physio at 9 n the thing started at 9 lor...so had to ask my dad to bring me frm alexandria to nj. den when i reach there, everyone is arranged in their pairs n i hav no one to dance wif initially lor, so malu...but i held it strong n didnt panic. in the end, when 'chewing' came, i got partner le, but i think very malu also, cuz my dancing is lousy lor, den keep stepping on her foot...den i think she quite pissed, i nid 3 coucillors to coach me lor...haiz... up till now, got everything, but still cannot catch up wif the music n got everything jumbled up, cannot rmb the order. nxt wk, gonna start learning other songs, haiz....mel juz said he is willing to coach me, hope he wun regret me being so dumb n clumsy. haha....thx mel =P

NKF Work Attachment: it is gonna start nxt thur the 2nd. quite excited abt it, cuz dunno will get paid anot. haha...very practical rite? no lar, juz jokin... i join to learn things abt NKF lor, hopefully abt volunteerism as well. it is all the way till the 15th. haiz...hopefully it will b fruitful. it is normal office hrs leh...affected my studying time n my ogl time lor...haiz...hope not to a big extent.

To Zoo: HELP FSC sure got lotsa activities for the children there. as all of u wld hav known, i doing my social work there, so quite involved. it is all abt childcare. normal kids, juz lack sth only...haiz... anw, brought them to the zoo on mon, quite nice lar, get to see the kids again n meet more kids frm help. there are more outings like to east coast n to changi airport nxt mth lor. nxt yr still got camp in june...i m anticipating it lor... i m quite shou2 wif the person-in-charge there, so got stuffs, we can get info whether they will nid our help anot... i really like tis job, not so much of a job, very meaningful n enjoyable, it is like doing sth i like doing n hopefully, by doin more gd things, i can cover up for some of my sins towards some ppl...

Back To Normal?

2004-11-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

Back To Normal?: i dunno if my family is back to normal cuz i think my grandfather's condition is still unstable n still the same thing. though quite sad, i think i shld still get over wif things n live on as per normal aft wad other ppl has told me. in addition to tt, i still hav more probs to tackle which i shant mention here...juz so vexed n didnt noe wad to do sometimes... i wanna give up, but aftall, i cannot... he is my brother, i juz cannot give up on him. wad shld i do? haiz....

4-4 Gathering: haiz...it is hol le, but i havent do anythin abt it yet lor. mrs neo suggested go wm's house n juz ask for catering n everyone share cost. but i havent plan anything yet. wad shld i do? hmm...shld start soon perhaps.

Say Gdbye to PW: it ended on monday tis wk. so glad it ended...i think we all did pretty well, not say confident, but still ok lar... we had a skit on talent hunting and i think ok lar, very few grps did a skit. haha...dunno gd thing or bad thing. the qns for me came rather ok, at least i ans wif tt cool...haha...so glad. i hope i did ans his qn n impressed him...

P6 Outing: l8r, i will b going for a p6 outing. not many ppl lar, but the ppl i m meeting, all guys n i havent seen them for a super long time lor...quite miss them...haha... hope they r all doin fine. i will update at nite abt tis outing. hms received an sms frm fu n we were all surprised cuz it has been so long n we both lost his number....so out of touch le...

Dreaming Of You - Selena

2004-11-10T11:14:00.000+08:00

tis is really a very soothing song. it is by selena n i dunno the full name. leandra sang this song dunno when on SI n i juz realised i hav been looking for tis song for so long. i like tis song pretty much n really rate tis like an 8. dun really noe wad i like so much abt tis song but juz like it lar. my fav part is "I wait for the day, the courage to say How much I love you" wad i feel abt tis line wld most probably be wad most of the guys hav exp b4. many ppl have fell in love b4 but how often do they hav the courage to tell the other party how much he like her? haha, i dunno y i m saying tis but most prob juz saying wad i feel abt everything n everyone ard me. not necessarily love, but frenship too. how often do we tell our frenz we do treasure them? how often can we do tt? i hav heard b4 one person said tt now, NJ is like a place wif no feeling. everyone is indifferent to the things happenin ard them. y is tis so? well, i guess i m pretty fortunate cuz i dun really feel tt i m neglected, sometimes, yes...but most of the time, no. i m thankful for tt, i hav ppl hu do care...these r the ppl hu helped me up everytime i fall. u may say i m dependent on my frenz, the ppl ard me n i admit it. but hu is not? mayb i m more extreme. dedicating tis song to all my frenz...everyone hu noe me...no matter which X/2 u are on...

Dreaming Of You
Late at night when all the world's sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are
Thinking of me too

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far all I have is dreams of you
I wait for the day, the courage to say
How much I love you

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Late at night when all the world's sleeping
I stay up and think of you
I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said I love youI love you too

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room dreaming with you endlessly

I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room dreaming with you endlessly

The Feeling of Death

2004-11-02T20:09:00.000+08:00

The Feeling of Death: earlier today, my mother asked me a strange qn which i straight away knew y she asked. she asked me if i were my uncle, wld i let my grandfather b fed wif liquid wif the help of tube or let him eat solid food? the former option will allow him to stretch his life to nxt yr, but it is really very painful. the latter can onli allow him to live for a max of 4 mths. my mum was stuck wif two choices, both painful to make. most of us, including my relatives chose the latter option. we thot it wld reduce his agony cuz he is now in the hospital bedridden n had fell many times... howeva, the worst news came juz less than an hr ago. my relative called frm m'sia wif a bad news. the doc juz told her tt his lungs got infection, it is quite unlikely for him to make it...my mum broke down immediately. i really dunno wad to say to her or to myself. shld i break down like her as well? i was confused. i juz console her as much as i can. now, she had to make a trip back to m'sia tmr early morning. i noe she cannot rest well till she sees my grandpa, so rite now, i hav to bear the responsibility of taking care of my bros hu r still having their exams. i must really apologise to my PW mates for not being able to attend any PW rehearsals but i seek their understanding. to me, when i received tt news, i was really depressed. i cld still rmb when i was young, my grandpa left me wif deeper memories. everytime i leave m'sia, i wld b in tears cuz i loved my grandparents alot... now tt he is going to leave tis world, i really wanna cry, but juz cldnt. there is tis sudden loss within me...dun really noe wad to do. i really hope to see him the last time, but izzit possible? though i m not a christian, i wld choose to believe in God now. i juz wanna pray tt he can live as long as possible n b alrite, but can miracles still happen? i m really willing to do anything for tt to happen...pls, let my grandfather b ok......

Realize - Gundam SEED

2004-10-31T10:33:00.000+08:00

Lyrics of the 1st song is here...http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/gundamseed/realize.htm
hope u enjoy the song.

Gundam SEED is so touching

2004-10-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

Yanzi's New Song: tis song premiered quite some time ago n i not say like the song very much, but i think it is quite 'yanzi'...tt type lar. when she was introducing her new song a few days ago, i was quite touched by wad she say. lemme intro, her song is called 'wo3 de4 ai4' (My Love). it is abt yanzi goin to paris n saw this shuai ge... howeva, she didnt go forward to him. den now tt she recollect tis incident, she regretted n think tt she lost a chance 5 yrs ago. howeva, tis wasnt tt part of y i was touched. i was touched becuz she said tt we shldnt let anything or anyone get past us juz liddat. we shld grab hold of every available opportunity, whether it is studying, making frenz, finding ur mr/ms Right etc... we must treasure everyone of them n everything we hav cuz once lost, u may nvr regain it again... one advice here probably wld b to treasure every fren u hav, dun take them for granted...dun b like me...

Promos Results: YAY~ i got promoted. u must b wondering y i m so happy abt tt cuz i was really afraid of not being able to b promoted. but in the end, i did. i got b maths, d phy, e bio, e chem n 6 GP. it is not very gd lookin, but i m gonna improve nxt yr. i wanna congratulate a few ppl upon taking S papers. in my klaz, zhe, kiffy, mq n kk... in ch, i wanna congratulate mel, sam n wm... some others wld include tsinli n yunshan. lets work harder...n hopefully we will succeed nxt yr in our own individual ways...

Branz Play: i went to watch branz play, the Physicists. once again, he played a muted role like Drinkwater in his previous play Dracula. both plays he had to act like some dimwit. lolz...dun b offended, branz, if u r reading tis. but one thing abt tis is tt his air time was the longest in the whole of scene 1 of the act. he was in the corner scratching the wall n his role was relatively impt according to him as he was so significant cuz scene 1 ended wif a blast as he pushed the whole backdrop down to make the nxt back drop for scene 2. w/o him, there wld b no scene 2...haha... i must say the show was quite dense as it was tough to understand the moral of the story. i went wif boonz, kp n vince. actually shld b mel one, but he cannot make it becuz of Phy O...den he tried asking bertz n sam, but they cant. so it was me...

Hols Here le: now tt hols r here, i must say, tis yr has been a very long n winding journey, but it flew juz past me liddat. in this yr, many things happened, both fortunate n vice versa. i m quite confused abt wad i shld do now, it is juz so suddenly tt i hav no more lectures n no one can go out so often wif me lar...so sad. i still hafta prepare for OP nxt mon. so sianz. i must also finish annotating alot of things. must also finish all my unfinished tutorials. haiz...so many things. i juz hope to treasure wadeva i hav now. cuz i hav lost enuf things n ppl, not any more.... anw, i m missing my frenz alr, i think it is gonna b pretty long till i can see them again.

Gundam SEED: tis show rawks. i must say, though it is an anime, i love it alot. for jap anime, tis is my fav. i must say i m really very slow le, cuz tis show was aired two yrs ago in japan. tis show is a super touching show. though it is abt robot war n so on...but tis show is based on a very very deep frenship. i will juz briefly say the story, pretty long cuz it is abt 50 episodes. i juz cheong finish the last 20 episodes today. kids central is still on episode 27. if u noe wad is gundam all abt...den u wld hav a better idea. i wld mention a few scenes which is the most touching one lar... the show started wif a teenager of our age got involved in a war b/w the naturals (norm human) n coordinators (genetically-enhanced human) . kira was a coordinator but was helpin the naturals becuz he wanted to protect his human frenz. he was a neutral being living in a neutral space colony. but tis colony was involved to making gundams by the naturals. in the end, the coordinators knew abt it n tried to steal the 5 gundams but onli manage to get 4. the other one was operated by an human officer but taken over by kira as he has the ability to modify the gundam. so in the end, kira n the naturals officer n his frenz was on board tis big aircraft called the archangel. so they started to travel in space meeting the 4 gundams always as they wanted to retrieve the last gundam as well. okok, enuf intro le. i will move on to the touchin scenes. kira has a fren called athrun n they were super close. but they were on two diff sides. though their purpose of joining the war is to stop it, but they were on diff sides, so they had to face each other in battle many times but everytime they had to do tt, they cldnt do their bez. kira oso felt very useless as he cld not save some of the ppl n his hands was full of blood. athrun, nicol, ezach n diakar were comrades but the 1st two r gd frenz n the nxt two r gd frenz as well. in the 1st pair, athrun was fighting wif kira n athrun had lost le, but he didnt give up, so when he was badly damaged, nicol thot kira wld kill athrun, so he run towards kira n ask athrun to run. though nicol's gundam lost an arm n was badly damaged, he still protected athrun. confused, kira killed nicol. this scene gave me alot of reflections n i was feeling so wierd inside, like i wanna cry liddat...nicol fought for the same purpose, but on diff sides. haiz...another thing wld be during the last battle, ezach went over to diakar's aid when his armour was down. he used his own life to try n protect diakar. in the end, his gundam lose an arm, but he saved his best fren. in the show, there is also a pilot hu fell in love wif the captain of archangel. he piloted kira's old gundam n aft fighting hard wif his arch-enemy, he was badly damaged and was returning to archangel. but the enemy tried to aim at the cockpit of archangel n in a bid to save his love on the ship, he used his own gundam to shield of the blast. he lost his life along wif his gundam. haiz..there r alot more scenes whics is really damn cool, other than the fighting n the robot models which is damn zai, it is worth watching.

Can't Take That Away - Mariah Carey

2004-10-16T22:33:00.000+08:00

hey ppl, the wkend is here n it's time to blog again. well, b4 i came to blog, i was still thinking of wad songs to play tis wk. tis entry's song is brought to u by ruixia...lolz~ well, i was tokin to her n she suddenly asked me if i heard tis song n i was so happy tt she has tis song cuz eversince my other com crashed, i hav forgotten abt mariah carey n onli listened to mostly chi songs. must really thank her for reminding me of tis very very gd song. ok, i typed my entries for this wk tt has passed 1st. well, today was NJ Open Day. i must say, i really dun hav anyone to recommend. pullin ppl into nj, i really hafta leave it to the rest of them. so i decided to help in wadeva i cld at the booth like editing the invitation cards and making the souvenirs look nicer n setting up of wadeva i can... aft tt, i sorta hav nth to do, so decided to b more mobile lar. since the bz morning is over, aftnoon was a lil slack cuz not as many ppl le n most of the team is there. so i went to look at the other booths n pop into booths i noe n ask "how's business?" and went to the linkway to look at my frenz perform harm orc n chi dance...must say...the nanhua gang is really gd at harmonica and i onli manage to see yunshan dancing. no one else i noe leh...i oso gotta say, she is very flexible lor, look at her dance hor, wa....she is "bendable"...lolz~ so basically, my whole aftnoon is either moving ard, at interact or watchin performance. sry trackers, didnt really help out much... at the end of it, i think our booth has attracted quite a bit of ppl to leave them particulars wif us... shaowei n guanwen really gd at gettin ppl, they sure noe a wide circle in this area of Track & Field. aft helping to pack the booth, i decided to go out wif cyan n fellow interactors. we sure take a long time to decide on where to go n ended up at orchard Taka, sitting at Basement 2, one corner, den go to the food court n buy dinner out to eat lor, cuz no seats. den we were juz sitting there laughin for like one hr abt tat's joke abt tauhu goreng...haha...lolz...really very farnie lor. but we all cleared the area by 6.30pm, i was thinking it was very early, haiz, if it is wif cat high gang, it wld b till the last train home..haiz...really missed goin out wif them...y no one ask me out one? so sad... aft tt, i still dun wanna go home, so i decided to ask andy to go play arcade, it was damn shiok lor, we found tis game at X-Zone which is a normal fight bad guys game, but there is tis special limit called Vertigo whereby u can keep hitting the button in the time limit to kill the enemy...so shiok lor, it is wad we call slammin the joypad n it is really stress relief...haha.. ok, story end... anw, time to get abit of reflection abt tis song. the lyrics of this song is considered inspirational, yet sad. i think it is really very gd if u like such songs. when i 1st heard tis song, it brought some sadness to me, cuz it reminded me of sth...sth which i really regretted n nvr forgave myself...n of cuz, sth which my "frenz" did to me in the past n now... of cuz, some things can nvr b erased. i m juz hoping tt if i hav eva done anything wrong, i really hope to b forgiven... haiz... ok, the bez line in tis song wld b "They can say anything they want to say, try to break me down, but I won't face the ground, I will rise steadily, sailing out of their reach" well, tis is wad i hav been tryin to do since i stepped into NJ n all the problems juz come tumbling down on me...haiz... ok, tts all, do check out my nxt entry which wld most prob be my promos result. i dunno if i will cry when i receive my results, but i hope i will b happy...at least contented tt i can b promoted. of cuz, i oso pray for my frenz tt we all can promote together as a lvl...gd luck to all of us! Bringing u tis song:

Can't Take That Away

They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow
Anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

CHORUS:
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me

They can do anything they want to you
lf you let them in
But they won't ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See I have learned there's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul
That they cannot possess
So I won't be afraid
And darkness will fade

'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me

No
They can't take this
Precious love l'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go

They can say anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But I won't face the ground
I will rise steadily
Sailing out of their reach

Oh Lord
They do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

'Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me....

Music Of My Heart - NSYNC & Gloria Estefan

2004-10-11T20:45:00.000+08:00

yoz ppl, haiz..."it's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonite" Yes, tis is a line from "Angels Brought Me Here". wad guy sebastian sang in this song really speaks of how i feel now...it has been a few days aft promos n i almost forgot abt tis music blog i hav...hmmm... anw, i doubt alot of u read tis blog b4. anw, juz a short intro abt it. juz a place where i share some of my days and thoughts through the songs i noe... yupp..juz so simple. it will only showcase those relaxing types...no rock n heavy metal... ok here's my entry today. when i 1st heard this song, it was frm John Stevens, it was his last songs. frankly speaking, i dun really like his voice but tt song when he sang it, somehow felt close... den when i hear it again during SI (Unsung Heroes), it was sung by these two ppl whom i respect alot. becuz of these efforts to create awareness in the grps of ppl hu r often left out in our society, i think it shld serve as an encouragement to all of us. Quote Mr Goh, "we shldnt complain so much abt the things we dun hav, how bout turning around to appreciate wad we hav?" i really think tis is very true... Man often takes things for granted n it is very naive for us to do tt. when Lily and Albert sang this song, i think it is really music frm their hearts...i m sure all of u hu hav heard it cld feel it... okok, sry i digressed into my thots. well, the days i spent studying promos was really quite terrible but fun. i rather enjoy studying during the times but sometimes, really get frustrated by wad to memorise n time was so tight... to think tt the 1st day i get back to sch aft my exams, i thot it wld really b fun wif games fest..but i thot wrong....sprained my ankle, pretty serious.... i havent had a big sprain for a pretty long time... i went to see chi sinseh...tt one is really "mati"... those scenes u see on tv whereby someone go into the treatment rm n screamed out loud...tts not precisely wad happened. wad happen was tt the old lady handled my leg like nth lor....i didnt scream, but it was grabbin onto the table like i nvr did in my life... den when she saw me struggle, she say tis is the bez of her 'power' yet...i gave her a smile... in my mind, how i wish it wld end at tt instant... the sad thing is i hav to go back on wed again...OUCH~ wish me luck...

Music Of My Heart

You'll never know
What you've done for me
What your faith in me
Has done for my soul...

You'll never know
The gift you've given me..
I'll carry it with me (yeah...yeah...)

Through the days ahead
I think of days before
You made me hope for something better (yes you did)
And made me reach for something more

You taught me to run
You taught me to fly
Helped me to free the me inside
Help me hear the music of my heart
Help me hear the music of my heart
You've opened my eyes
You've opened the door
To something I've never known before
And your love...(love)
Is the music of my heart.. (music of my heart)

You were the one
Always on my side (always on my side)
Always standing by (always standing by)
Seeing me through

You were the song that always made me sing
I'm singing this for you (singing this for you baby)

Everywhere I go
I think of where I've been (think of where I've been)
And of the one who knew me better
Than anyone ever will again

You taught me to run
You taught me to fly
Helped me to free the me inside
Help me hear the music of my heart
Help me hear the music of my heart
You've opened my eyes
You've opened the door (you opened the door)
To something I've never known before...
And your love...(your love)
Is the music of my heart

What you taught me
Only your love could ever teach me
You got through when no one could reach me
Ohh...ohh...ohh

Cause you always saw in me
All the best that I could be
It was you who set me free...

You taught me to run
You taught me to fly
Helped me to free the me inside (me inside)
Help me hear the music of my heart
Help me hear the music of my heart

You taught me to run
You taught me to fly
Helped me to free the me inside (me inside)
Help me hear the music of my heart (music of my heart)
Help me hear the music of my heart
You've opened my eyes
You've opened the door (opened the door)
To something I've never known before (never, never, felt before)
And your love...
Is the music of my heart..

Music of my heart
Music of my heart
Is the music of my heart...

I Believe - Fantasia Barrino

2004-09-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

ello, havent been bloggin lately, hav been very bz wif track stuffs and of cuz not to forget my bks. i guessed tis wld b my last entry b4 promos, depends lar... i m posting tis song again, well, reason being tis song has sth to do wif wad i wanna say. tis is the full version of the song, so u might wanna review the lyrics of tis song again. shall keep tis short so do read on ok? this song actually reminds me of a few things. i heard this cd version on an ad on ch5. tis was when i wanna hear tis song again. it reminds me of my mths in nj so far. in my life here, it didnt start of too well. 1st it was some prob wif me, den it was some prob wif ss. den it was some prob wif cat high frenz n den some prob wif studies n many many more. i must say, i hav gotta make new frenz here, but i also hav lost two very dear frenz...they r the ones hu stayed wif me for so long...thank u, but too bad, i didnt manage to salvage this frenship wif them. i also hav learnt alot of things. i think the most in juz a few mth. probs come to me like waves..one aft another. so sometimes, songs r the things tt keep me going..not to forget my family n frenz. my dear p1 bro...someone whom i dote on alot.... also, sth which made me wanna reflect on is the children hu died in the russian incident. i really really feel very sad for the deaths. usually, when i c deaths on tv, i wun feel anything, juz a lil sry, but when i see the news abt the russian children being held captive in their sch...i really think those ppl hu 'kidnapped' them r beasts...cuz onli beasts wld do such things to children. bastards may b a betta word for those beasts. tis line frm the song is dedicated to the children: "There's a time for every soul to fly, it's in the eyes of every child, it's the hope, the love that saves the world, & we shld nvr let it go!" may god bless these ppl n punish those hu deserves to b punished. we should nvr involve children in any conflicts, cuz they r innocent...ok, for sth more light-hearted, i wld like to end of wif a real life story abt me. tis morning, i woked up at 0950 n realised i was very late for Bio SPA. i was like, "shit, how m i gonna find an excuse to cover for my absence to my bio tutor?" den i started to switch on my hp to call my ct rep. but he didnt on. den i was like, they must b having it now, tts y not on. den i call a fren of mine. "today where got spa? dun scare me leh?" i was like, "r u outta ur mind? it is skill A!" den he told me skill A is during promos period. den i said skill D and he told me it was over liaoz. i got a shocked when he said tt n realised today is tue n not mon. it was then everything started to come back to me. i recovered frm my temporary amnesia. it was then i realised i had lived y-day n it is now a brand new day! haiz...i must b too stressed liaoz...haha...anw, like wad i said in my 1st entry, my fav line is always "I believe in the impossible, if I reach deep within my heart, overcome any obstacle, won't let this dream fall apart, see I strive to be the very best, shine my light for all to see, cause anything is possible, when you believe yeah" tis is the best n hopefully, it will inspire u for the coming promos. Study hard ppl!! dun give up...3 words for u "Behave, Believe, Become"...

I Believe
Have you ever reached a rainbow's end
And did you find your pot of gold
Ever catch a shooting star
And tell me how high did you soar
Ever felt like you were dreaming
Just to find that you're awake
And the magic that surrounds you
Can lift you up and guide you on your way

[Chorus:]
I can see it in the stars across the sky
Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before
Now I finally realize
You see I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive
And finally yeah

When you look out in the distance
You see it never was that far
Ohhh No
Heaven knows your existance
And lead you to be everything you are
Ohhh
There's a time for every soul to fly
It's in the eyes of every child
It's the hope, the love that saves the world
And ohhh we should never let it go

[Chorus]

I believe in the impossible
If I reach deep within my heart
Overcome any obstacle
Won't let this dream fall apart
See I strive to be the very best
Shine my light for all to see
Cause anything is possible
When you believe yeah

[Chorus]

Ohh Yeah
Love keeps liftin me higher
Liftin me higher
Love keeps liftin me higher
I said love keeps liften
Love keeps liften me I said
Love keeps liften
Love keeps liften me higher
Said love keeps liften me higher
I said love keeps liften me high

A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson

2004-08-29T00:40:00.000+08:00

ok, i noe it has been a very long time since i last blogged, two whole wks...sry guys for not being able to update my blog wif gd music n my feelings for this period of time, but as u noe, promos coming up, so i might not b able to even blog every wk, so perhaps this wld b my last entry b4 promos. ok, here goes the long things which happened to me so far. i juz came back frm s13 gathering at ruixia's house n i must admit, though it wasnt so much of bonding n eating, i think it is more of a get together thing to make sure no one forgets anyone. i think tts the most impt thing tt we all get together. i m really happy to see everyone today. though i may not express it n i m awfully quiet, deep down inside, it shows a smile =) hope i didnt create a wrong impression tt i was in a bad mood... today, i also went to HELP as usual b4 i go off. it was really very happy to hear frm this boy whom i m quite familiar wif, a warm hello when i entered. he told me abt his siblings at home today n shockingly, this boy has 4 other siblings...OMG...it is really alot as compared to some families. i was really surprised when i saw four of the five today...haha... i really hope to know more abt them... ruijun behaved like a big kid today, playin paper planes wif the kids, so farnie~! anw, wad i really wanna say abt my last few wks is abt the SI auditions. i was touched by some of the performances like the guy wif the speech defect and the deaf lady. i really admire their courage to stand up on tv n show their courage. they played the song 'A Moment Like This' n it touched me quite a bit when the song was played. so i decided to play it here....my fav line is tt "some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this" i really like this line cuz it really reflects alot abt wad i think. i dunno if u all like this song, but i will juz post it up 1st...thx

A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson

What if I told you
It was all meant to be
Would you believe me,
Would you agree
It's almost that feelin'
That we've met before
So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy
When I tell you love has come and now...
A moment like this

Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this
Some people search forever,
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this

Everything changes
But beauty remains
Something so tenderI can't explain
Well I maybe dreamin'
But 'till I awake
Can we make this dream last forever
And I'll cherish all the love we share
For a moment like this

Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this
Some people search forever,
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this

Could this be the greatest love of all
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall
So let me tell you this...
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

Some people spent two lifetimes,
For a moment like this
Some people search forever,
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this

OHHHH, LIKE THISOHHHH,
YEAH, 'cuz people search for every moment yeah.
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this.
Ohhhhh, like this.

So Young - The Corrs

2004-08-14T18:37:00.000+08:00

hey guys. one wk has passed and i m back here to blog down a new song n pend down my feelings. well, the song i m gonna post today is actually an old song which i m sure all of you hav heard the song before howeva, no matter how old tis song is, it will still b a hot fav cuz gd songs nvr grow old! well, wad tis song reminds me of is actually wad happened today. in case some of u dunno, i m actually helpin out at HELP Family Service Centre, a place where i do my interact scheme, but to me, it is more than a scheme. it is not onli sth i do for work, also sth i feel committed to. wad i do there is actually to tuition primary sch kids n to play wif them sometimes. wad happened today was tt i got to noe a kid betta. he is damn gd at chi chess...for his age at p5. he is quite bony lar...has two younger brothers at p3 hu looks damn cute... 3 of them go there every sat n they r really a fun lot of kids. i m always very happy there helping n at the same time, i play wif the kids like i m a big kid. today, most of the children finished their work early n went out to the void deck to play. it is actually my 1st time seein them play until so happy. though they r frm single-parent families, they r no diff frm us, they played happily together, but sometimes, i wld think of y they hav to go thru so much at tis age? anw, lookin at them today reminded me of my younger days...sendin great memories back to me... i juz hope tt these kids will cont to lead a happy life like today for the rest of their childhood... the lines tt bring me the most meaning in tis song wld b "We are taking it easy Bright and breezy, yeah We are living it up Just fine and dandy, yeah"... bringing you the song, esp to one of u hu loves the corrs (u noe hu u r, u told me b4), So Young by The Corrs:

So Young

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
We are taking it easy
Bright and breezy, yeah
We are living it up
Just fine and dandy, yeah

We are caught in a haze
On these lazy summer days
We're spending all of our nights just
Ah - laughing and kissing, yeah

And it really doesn't matter that we don't eat
And it really doesn't matter if we never sleep
No it really doesn't matter, really doesn't matter at all
Coz we are so young now, we are so young, so young now
And when tommorow comes, we can do it all again

We are chasin' the moon
Just running wild and free
We are following through
Every dream and every need

And it really doesn't matter if we don't eat
And it really doesn't matter if we never sleep
No it really doesn't matter, really doesn't matter at all

Coz we are so young now, we are so young, so young now
And when tommorow comes, we can do it all again
Yeah, we are so young now, we are so young, so young now
And when tommorow comes, we'll just do it all again
All again, all again, yeah, all again, all again..., Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
So young now, we are so young, so young now
And when tommorow comes, we'll just do it all again
Yeah, we are so young now, we are so young, so young now
And when tommorow comes, we'll just do it all again
We are so young... (Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah-ie Yeah)
We are so young... (Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah-ie Yeah)
We are so young... (Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah-ie Yeah)
Lets do it all again... (Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah-ie Yeah)

I Believe - Yolanda Adams

2004-08-06T22:10:00.000+08:00

haha, u might hav realised tt tis song has the same title as the one i posted last mth. sry abt the delay for so long. due to the iwebmusic server down, i hav to delay everything till the server is back up...now tt it is back up, it is time to intro more music to u guys. ok, i heard tis song onli today during the ndc04 in nj. i think it is a very upbeat song n was very very impressed wif the meaning of the lyric n the music. though i hav nvr heard of tis singer b4, but hu cares abt the singer when u've got gd music. tis song is used by the western dancers n it does remind me of believing once again. though life is nvr smooth-sailing, believe n hold on to ur faith n everything will come thru eventually. tis song reminds me of a person...someone hu will bring tears sometimes...but i do believe tt misunderstandings will b resolved soon...hopefully... the chorus is pretty meaningful. the part which leaves me an impression wld b tis n i think it applies greatly to me since the day i stepped into nj till now...it still applies, hopefully i can b like this part of the song: Never mind what people say, Hold your head high and turn away, With all my hopes and dreams I will believe, Even though it seems it's not for me, I won't give up, i'll keep it up...
as for now, enjoy "I Believe" by Yolanda Adams...

I Believe
They said you wouldn't make it so far a a
And ever since they've said it its been hard
But never mind that night'cha had to cry
Cause you had never let it go inside
You worked real hard and you know exactly what you want and need so believe
And you can never give up
You can reach your goals
Just talk to your soul and say

[Chorus:]
I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i know my dreams are real
I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i hold it soon man
That is what i do believe

Your fools are justes singing, your soul aha
And you know that your moves will let them show
You keep creating pictures in your mind
So just believe they will come true in time
It will be fine leave all of your cares and stress behind and
Just let it go
Let the music go inside again the pain
It just start to believe

[Chorus]
[Rap passage]

Never mind what people say
Hold your head high and turn away
With all my hopes and dreams
I will believe
Even though it seems it's not for me
I won't give up, i'll keep it up
Looking to the sky
I will achieve on my knees
I will always believe

[2x chorus]

I Believe - Diana DeGarmo

2004-07-19T21:57:00.000+08:00

for tis song, i hav heard it many many times n luv it basically. i think tt the lyrics r very inspirational n it is very suitable for me rite now, esp when ur comp is comin... it serves as an encouragement n let u believe tt u can do it. i like this lines very much, the 3rd paragraph. well, till now, believin in heart has not helped me lar...haha...but i will still wait for my moment to arrive. the quality of these songs may not b as gd, but do bear wif it... believe u can do it n hope u succeed, though u may fail, nvr give up...

I Believe
Have you ever you ever reached a rainbow's end
And did you find your pot of gold
Ever catch a shooting star
Tell me how high did you soar
Ever felt like you were dreaming
Just to find that you're awake
Cause the magic that surrounds you
Will lift you up and guide you on your way

I can see it in the stars across the sky
Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before
Now I finally realize
See I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive
And finally yeah
I believe in the impossible

If I reach deep within my heart
Overcome any obstacle
Won't let this dream fall apart
See I strive to be the very best
Shine my light for all to see
Cause anything is possible
When you believe yeah

I can see it in the stars up in the sky
Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before
Now I finally realize
I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive
And finally I believe
Yes I believe

Ohh Yeah
Love keeps liftin me higher
Liftin me higher
Love keeps liftin me higher
I said love keeps liftin
Love keeps liftin me

I said
Love keeps liftin
Love keeps liftin me higher
Said love keeps liftin me higher
I said love keeps liftin me high